content warning:unhinged mentality and oh how's everyone's summer?

My lazy self could never go all in with anything! At least for now,i used to be so much passionate about stuff that i did.

Ok qotd: What r your summer plans?/summer activities you've done so far?

weird fucking shit,just here for thoughts dumping man,summer's been boring so far.I don't usually mean what i say.Is that super pathetic? My girl,talking bout my girl. I guess the reason why people dont do what they want to do even if they can is more likely because they're scared of judgements and not bc of its impossibility.i need to shut up.Don't yall have a fear for being judged? Writing everything down like this doesnt make me feel content as much as i expected huh,maybe that's why real interactions matters sm.Maybe that is why listening to Cigarettes After Sex matters sm...

I was sitting on the edge of the bed after showering.Nothing makes sense anymore now that i'm feeling the world around you crash and fall.I just don't get it,but i hate that i'm stepping into the world of capitalism.My goddamn brain,fucking god all it could think about is how to make money from everything which once was just a hobby that i valued and held dear to heart,hence the downfall of my mental health as well as my creativity.Although i'm fully aware of its (capitalism) little importance and what really matter is to stay true to yourself,it's still lurking into my vunerable life and do anything to possibly get in my head.University is around 9 months ahead,life is like a tornado and i'm in the centre of it,i have no idea what's going on in the world;i don't have a single idea what to decide for my future career.There's so much that i want,I CAN'T CHOOSE ONE! But neither do i want to go to school for everything i like,i can't and i don't want that!!!??? Ok this is what preuniversity crisis look like,right?I should write a song about,yeah good idea maybe that'll help.And so will listening to "Mary" by Big Thief.I'd love to stay crafty my whole life though,have thought about not pursuing higher education,but i pretty like the environment there,people are smart and cool there.IDK????Instead of making things happen i'm here talking about them.Can this be considered a step toward whatever it is i'm trying to make happen?I realised that all the unpleasant events always rooted from my overcomplicated mind.

Nothing ever happened and it won't,it's all in my head.

We all need to be alone sometimes,don't we?Not now to me.You know the feeling when i have been engaged in an all-by-myself lifestyle since forever and so now when i need to share my stories with someone there's literally no one available.It's funny because it shows that not only am i not strong and independent and self-sufficient enough to be there for myself all the time,but i also have no closed friend baaahahhahahah 

Fucking bloody hell what the fuck did i just spend an hour on?