Pills or no pills

To preface, roughly last year I began taking antidepressants. I was at my most miserable, jumping from one terrible job to another. I literally did not want to accept that was my life.

That was when I reached out to a psychiatrist to get my anxiety and depression under control. I didn't like how giving up was a lingering option every day. Things were only a smidge better.

After I found a much better, stress-free job, the last few months I've stopped taking my meds. Cold turkey. I wanted to see if there even was a difference because I could only believe what I felt was mental stability. 

I think naturally (unmedicated), I am erratic. Like an ignition, I can go from 0 to 100 and it's when I care very much about someone or something. Like a dog, I have to know when to grab and pull back the leash. 

That's the major difference. I'm quick to anger and I want to explain why! Why a certain thing doesn't sit well with my spirit! Why I believe someone deserves better! I love with my whole heart. I proclaim it loudly. Am I kinda crazy w/o mood stabilizers? UH YEAH. But I love that about myself- I'm fierce and passionate. 

Antidepressants are helpful in keeping my mood steady but I think it was easier to not care. I felt like a blank slate. Sand continuously smoothed out by crashing waves. 

'Do you want to take it or leave it?' 

Take. take, take.