On the subject of DNIs

Well, I’ve survived my first week or so here. I like it so far, but one thing I’m very surprised about is the number of people posting DNIs. Most of these people are kids, and I don’t think that’s a coincidence. 

Don’t get me wrong- I get it. I absolutely get the desire to not fuckin talk to certain types of people. But look, as someone who lived through being openly aromantic on Tumblr in the late 2010s, I’m just gonna come right out and say it: DNIs don’t work. They just don’t. 

First of all, you’ve got the deliberate bad actors. The people who love to harass others, and see a DNI as a cheat sheet for what to send someone to upset them. Those people are very, very real. 

Then you’ve got the ones who are just oblivious. “‘Racists DNI’? Good thing I’m not racist! Racism is bad! We should love everyone!” says the person who gets nervous when they hear someone speaking Arabic, who refuses to listen to rap or jazz, whose favorite movie is the Road to el Dorado. You get what I’m saying? And this even goes for the people making the DNIs, too. I’ve seen plenty of bigoted stuff from people with a checklist of -isms and -phobias on their DNIs. 

There’s also people who don’t follow their own DNIs, or at worst weaponize them. Just a few minutes ago I got a friend request from a 14yo I don’t know, whose profile says not to interact if you’re over 18. My own profile very clearly states that I’m 26, lol, so what’s the deal? Similarly, I once was in a situation where someone had a one-sided beef with me that resulted in them telling me not to speak to them anymore. I honored this request, but they kept trying to bait me into talking to them by talking to me first; if I responded at all, they’d flip their shit at me for talking to them. This was a grown ass adult btw. Eventually they got banned, but you see my point?

Now, I’m not saying don’t make DNIs ever. They can be useful in some situations. But what I AM saying is 1. learn to take charge of enforcing your own boundaries- the block button will obey you, other people will not and 2. consider why you’re posting a DNI and what you expect it to achieve. Are you just doing it because everyone else is doing it? Is your DNI criteria clear enough to actually follow? Do you plan on actually honoring it yourself, or are you going to put other people in uncomfortable situations?

No but seriously you can just block people lol. It’s so freeing. Give it a try next time you come across someone you’re uncomfortable with.