7/1/24 i hate everything

time: 1:27 am

mood: insanely sad

song of the day: handsome, beautiful by everyone asked about you

eating: nothing

drinking: sprite

currently listening to: bad news by teen suicide

FUCKIN FUCK!!!!

so basically he fucked me over once again. he's like i feel bad for talking to you.. fucking really? the one time he gets morals it's at my expense? like yeah you should feel bad.. but now i feel bad! if you're gonna make me sad like this just kill me! and i told him to talk to me today.. nothing! he's pushing me closer to my breaking point. and if i hit my breaking point im fucking taking him down with me. but the only way im getting there is if he loses interest. and while it feels like he has i don't think he has. and he confirmed he loves her more.. i mean it's obvious but SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!! just reminding me im not good enough! i wish i wasn't as in love with him so i wouldn't let myself put up with this. i've been crying all day. why does he want to spend forever with me if he loves her more? would he even give a shit if i left? god fucking damn it i hate my life! the present sucks, the future horrifies me, and i just wanna go back to last year! and not to be mean but i really hope when they break up she breaks his heart and he gets super upset about it. not out of malice, just cause i want him to feel like i did. i hope he talks to me soon cause i have a LOT to say.