lesbianism and boys.

okay, don’t get me wrong, i AM a lesbian, but i love the idea of male attention. obviously that sounds very pick-me ish but i don’t mean it in a way that i put the make gaze before the female or even my OWN gaze. i love the idea of both boys and girls being attracted to me, but i LOVEE knowing that i’m unattainable to those boys. like, a girl could have a “crush” on me and confess that to me knowing there’s a possibility of me reciprocating that, but a boy that likes me would have to keep that to himself or within his inner circle, never letting me know that he feels that way bc of the inevitable rejection that’ll come from confessing. in theory, this is great, i love the idea of being the cool mysterious girl at school that no boy can possibly have, but, in practice, it’s horrible. at school, there’s a couple of boys that CLEARLY like me, and i hate it, i hate seeing them stare at me and i hate the tone of voice they speak to me in, i only like the confidence boost i get from it, not the part where a BOY actually LIKES me