1 - debt

he enters romantic relationships feeling indebted, as if the person who is taking him into account is doing him a favour. the favour he is doing is that he is giving him permission to exist, that he is looking at him. that favour comes at a price, and the boy immediately feels indebted. maybe that is why he sometimes prefers to be alone, so as not to owe so much. his withdrawal is much like that of the way he is in platonic relationships, but while in that situation he is relieved and able to regain energy, when he is approached romantically he sinks into his emotions and thereby feeds his own self-devaluation. low self-esteem and the fact of never having felt appreciated and recognized by his mother or by both parents, makes the boy develop the idea that he has no value in the eyes of the world. he feels uninteresting and, often, in his relationship with the other person, especially when the other person is interested in him, he feels very uncomfortable and often loses his lucidity because of the emotions that literally explode inside him and they invade him, which further complicates his relational and communicative capacity. that is why he is surprised when, in spite of everything, the other is really interested in him; it’s almost hard to understand.