Metamorphosis (6/30/24)

Dear Brian,

Yesterday was one of the days of my life, a true outlier, afterward I realized I should probably start journaling but I hate actual physical writing, and this was the coolest digital option. Anyway, here's the story of yesterday.

2 days ago, I realized something, I had a conversation with L and it's already changing my life. I realized the world around me, I've become aware.. Like a sentient AI I've looked around me and gotten disgusted, humanity is filthy. After I had awoke the next day, the flag was still there, I felt fine and I got ready and went to the lake. M. Lake was great, it was the perfect temperature. While I was waiting for my friend Vicki, I went in the lake. Once I was in the lake, I was a whole different person, It was beautiful; the temperature, the depth, the speed I was going inside, it felt like paradise, and that was to go without mentioning the beauty! It was marvelous, I stood and looked at the houses across the lake with envy, but bit my tongue before I got too deep. I went home after that, and then we played video games blah blah blah, new house blah blah blah, but after all of that it seeped in even further, it had started at the lake before Vicki was there, and now it was back, and more intense. I felt like my brain was going to explode, I felt so terrible, I was shaking, and thinking; thinking about everything yet nothing at the same time. I need a outlet, I don't know what but I NEED SOMETHING. It only intensified with my friend Matthew hating me now, I haven't a clue on what I've done but he's gravitating more and more towards L, and getting harsher and harsher to me. Besides Matt, I felt as though I was going full on crazy, I couldn't figure out what it was, I felt like I was going insane and was going to wake up the next morning in a psych ward. I begged L, and I begged Vicki for answers knowing I had few others to lay on at this time, but my cries and screams for help fell upon deaf ears. Eventually I was answered by L, while still being flamed by Matt, L said "The whole world is plastic, that you can morph" several times, and every time it made more and more sense, they also said that some who realize this stuff sometimes "Just go off the deep end" ... I cannot tell if that's me or not, am I just going through a Metamorphosis, am I going to come out the same on the other side? I don't know what's happening to me and I am terrified. The only thing that I'm still clutching onto are stupid Latin phrases, like Cogito Ergo Sum, "I think therefore I am". Cogito Ergo Sum has never been more true in my life, it seems like an irony, What I'm thinking is driving me insane. The other phrase is Ad Victoriam, meaning "To Victory!" and I hope that this end in victory, please I beg you, let me live again. I want to be normal again, I want Matt to like me again, blah blah blah, now I'm just whining. Anyway, today I woke up, and I still feel terrible, it's just dampened, I have to do things today, I have to be more than just a rotting corpse in a bed, so a Metamorphosis will happen today, that or I will die. But I'm already dead, today will be another day, and I'll end more rotten then the day before, but sadly through a twist of sick disturbed luck, I won't die.

- Sincerely, Anthony!