2:22am thoughts

I came back for you. 

Why, after everything did I end up back where it all started? 

It’s not a surprise that the roads I have taken in life led me to here. The signs were all over. Familiar images on the puzzle pieces scattered before me. Things feel so different now , which feels wrong to say considering I’m not left with much of a memory in the times before. Only key moments.

I’m sorry. 

For what I remember, for what I don’t, and for what I’ve imagined. I know there are a million ways I could have been better for myself, and to you. I think of all the what ifs daily. I try to use them as motivation and it helps if the self hatred doesn’t take over. I wish things could have been different because I hate that I’ve had to live so much of my life without you. Now you’re here, but you’re not and I feel stuck in an earthly purgatory with you being just out of reach. Maybe this is the fate I deserve for the moments I was not so great. Either way, I missed you. I’m glad you’re alive. I’m glad you’re safe. And I’m so glad to see the smile behind the screen, finally. It’s better than I could have ever imagined. 

So if you’re ever wondering what I was searching for all along and why, it was all for you.