june 28th, 2024. 11:00pm

don't know what to do yet, i am still in this spiral, innocently thinking that i will get out, that's what i want to believe to make me feel better about all this. but honestly it never works.
the fake stories in my head don't make sense anymore, i want something real, i want to be real for someone too. i would like to write love stuff again, i want to feel loved again. i can't fall in love realistically, i'm too selfish and jealous to have someone by my side, the worst thing is that i have nothing to offer, i'm just a waste of time for anyone who tries to love me. i can't feel enough for anyone, i feel like i'm rotten.
i wish i could feel someone's warmth, i could die peacefully in the arms of someone who shows love and care for me, i would give everything i have, but it doesn't make any sense to go on or wait for anyone else. i have lost all hope.