AITA: I Drink Mountain Dew

Verdict: YES!

Just kidding, though drinking Mountain Dew is a character flaw of mine. But, it's Baja blast, so does it really count?

Anyway, I have a theory. The past few nights I've been drinking a Baja blast before bed and have been having some insane dreams, some even predicting the future. Now, I'm not sure what Taco Bell puts in these besides the radioactive waste, but it tastes good and I'm not going to run away from the opportunity to see the future. 

Has anybody else experienced this? Am I going insane? 

Probably. Maybe I have been playing too much Roblox. That is okay, it is a feat I will accept. The firm grasp that fishing simulator has on me is just too strong for me to deny. It's like I am the green goblin and fishing simulator is the mask calling to me. Or even better, it is a freshly baked pie on the windowsill and I just start floating to it. 

Summer vacation should be exciting, I saw my favorite band live! But I keep feeling very existential. I was talking to my friend about how life is just a montage of inconveniences. He did not understand. What I meant was that I got so angry yesterday because of a bug bite on my arm, but my god shouldn't I be grateful for the bug bite? I'm alive! I'm on Earth! One day I'll be nostalgic of the hot summer nights I spent outside, so why am I upset about the bug bite? It's just a little perspective. 

Kind of like how when a boy breaks your heart and you just go, "good, I wouldn't have wanted to explain what I saw in him to my daughter." Because that's mega real. How do I explain that I ended up liking a big fat poopy face liar who deserves no happiness and should get his ball sack bitten off by his dogs?

Actually, I change my mind. 

I hope he finds happiness, I hope he finds such immense happiness it swallows him whole. Then, I hope it gets ripped out of his hands and he's forced to think about what he did to me and throws up violently.

I am NOT a bitter person. 

But I'm bitter about him because there is NO WAY that a MAN made me cry. That's SO embarrassing. Like SOOOO embarrassing. He'll call me crazy or pretend he doesn't' know who I am (oh wait he already did both of those) but at least I've got my mega gyatt best friend. Female friendships will forever be more valuable than a man who manipulates you. Actually, friendships are more valuable than a man. Wait, EVERYTHING is more valuable than a man.

I've lived my life so far without a man, I DON'T NEED NO MAN. I am an independent woman, I am better myself, I can fill my own cup. But not to be self-righteous (totally to be self-righteous) I'm really awesome and he's super duper missing out because I am sparkly and magical and universally loved and he's just... not...

He was at one point, but then he started lying to people about what happened and I just don't have the patience for that. I can deal with people who are mean but I cannot deal with liars. Get your facts straight or get out. I hatttteeee liars. There's no point! It's so easy to just be honest. If you're a "the truth hurts" type of person, I'd like to point out that you just suck and are mean. The truth hurts if it's something bad but telling somebody the truth about how you feel isn't supposed to hurt it's supposed to give the other person some clarity. Lying doesn't provide clarity or security.

At least I got my letters back. Oh yeah! The little people in my computer don't know about that. I wrote him letters *VOMIT*. They were love letters without the "love" because he consistently was awful and most of them was me begging for him to be better *EMBARRASSING*. News flash, he still sucks and he did NOT deserve my letters. One of my trusty not-so-dusty best friends got me my letters back. I need a box for them, since he only got 2/13. 

DON'T JUDGE ME! Yes 13 is a lot for a situation that lasted like 2 months but hey, I have big feelings. Maybe I should throw them away. Or he should repent? And apologize? And give me an explanation for what he did? 

Wow, I LOVE oversharing on the internet. 

Maybe he's just jealous of my resilience. Sigh, pierce the veil reference.

He ain't resilient. He ain't nothing but a dirty dog who should get in a fiery car crash. Disclaimer: I do not actually wish death on anybody (publicly), but hey, he fooled my mom too so maybe he deserves it. 

Everybody told me he was a bad person, but I just didn't believe it. He was so sweet and silly and he made me laugh, then he wasn't. My mom, (real ones understand mom instinct), was on my side she thought he was a good boy. Then he hid behind a wall instead of making me my damn burrito bowl just to avoid me. Haha, that made me giggle. 

I have very little true hatred in my heart, I love lots of people. I love most people. I have very little against most people. I don't even hate him after all he'd done. But it's because I'm indifferent. I feel nothing for him, I am less upset about what he did than I am about falling for his BS. It's truly truly mostly my fault, I believed him when he said stuff that he promised he wasn't lying about. Then my bestest friend in the whole wide world ran into him in public and he'd gotten a girlfriend. Two weeks of saying stuff he can't just take back! I have no like anger for her or anything, I don't even know who she is, or if she's real! But, I hope she makes him really, really happy. 

And then leaves him. Or poops on his bed. Something irrational. Cooks his dogs maybe. They don't deserve that, I do not condone animal cruelty. OOH! Maybe she will cut him up into tiny little pieces and give the dogs a chum bucket of his dead and decomposing guts. Wow that painted a beautiful picture.

Ugh, you know when you accidentally dedicate a song to a person in your head and then if you listen to it you get transported to how you felt during that time? That's me right now, but, it's still a fire song and it's still one of my favorites. He doesn't get to have that kind of power over me, you know?

I bet his ears are always ringing the way I'm always talking about him, but it'll stop someday. No matter how many times I say that I shouldn't waste my breath on him, I still miss what we could have had. But it's okay, as I've said before, I don't need no man. ESPECIALLY NOT HIM. 

A prince will come my way, somebody who isn't a bathroom jorker. I sure hope people I know in real life don't find this. But I kind of do. Imagine he finds this in 40 years and spontaneously explodes in the middle of a family dinner. That would be a funny news article, "Man who f'd up girl's life realizes he sucks nuts 40 years later, dies at dinner table. Infant children watched." 

God, even the official news article says he sucks nuts. Who told them! 

Flashback when he gave me his medal from graduation and I was just not supposed to think anything of it. I GAVE HIM A PIECE OF CANDY. HE GAVE ME A MEDAL THAT HE EARNED FROM GRADUATING. They're a little different. Maybe he didn't lie about everything. Maybe he really did like me at some point. He'd be the first, except for that science experiment of a man from freshman year. Part of me hopes he was lying just so he isn't the first. 

Firsts have always been very important to me, and I just think that the lord above (Vic Fuentes) was trying to tell me that he wasn't good for me. Even though this butthead said it himself, I didn't believe it. But he was right, I DO deserve better. I deserve more than a filthy lying chunk of roadkill. You know that one beabadoobee song? 

"I think I'd be better off alone

Now that I've had some time to think, 

I've had to put up with your shit,

When you're not even that cute".

That's real. (He's adorable) (I didn't have to put up with his shit, he just didn't like me enough and liked her more)

I'll live.

How did this blog start with me talking about Baja blast to ranting about a boy who'll mean nothing in 20 years?

Actually I disagree with myself there, I still remember the names of all the kids that have ever bullied me, even my best friend from kindergarten that I haven't spoken to in almost a decade. I still remember them. I think I'll always remember them. I think, sadly, I'll always remember him. First real heartbreak. I HAVE to remember it, he's the boy I'll tell my daughter about, the same way my mom tells me about hers. 

Ugh! He doesn't deserve me talking about him. But that doesn't mean I want to stop. 

Goodbye for now, fake myspace.