He says I have no future

It’s driving me nuts that I can’t make a band with anyone 

My friend plays bass but lives at the other end of the country…we might start one if she moves closer for uni 

Idk. I just feel like I’m wasting my youth in my bedroom (which I love but it’s not enough) 

I feel like I just have no future (and others think this too) because that’s all I can focus on 

And I’ve written music but it’s all rubbish so I really shouldn’t be putting so much hope in this.

It’s nearly 1:00am at time of writing and I have an exam in the morning which makes me want to cry

I’m listening to MCR black parade which does help 

I’m just glad it’s nearly summer. I cannot stand to be at school for much longer. People suck 

(I wonder if they’re saying that while thinking about me…I hope not) 

I just feel like everybody else has these big lives ahead of them being fancy things like doctors or whatever and everybody thinks it’s so juvenile that I genuinely want to be in a band. I have no real understanding of music. I’m self taught on guitar so I feel like I don’t really know much because I can’t read sheet music and all that shit. 

Maybe that’s a bit dramatic. 

I hope if anyone is reading this you understand and that you have a good future ahead of you 

I hate this limbo period of not-quite-adult-but-not-quite-a-kid 

I don’t want to have any responsibilities or expectations 

When I grow up I want to be nothing at all