weird religions and spirituality and stuff

im trying to get better at writing just to write so i'm gonna just write about something i think about a lot >_<

im not exactly a religious person but my relationship with it is kinda weird since i do kind of believe in spiritual things. basically i don't find most major world religions appealing because of how they're traditionally practiced, i find a lot of it too strict + counterproductive; how can a thing be about experience and feeling but also rules? i like the idea that we're too small to know anything for certain and a lot of stuff is just incomprehensible to us. I think that trying to compile a definitive lists of dos and donts from something like a holy text is just impossible. like guys we keep failing at it give it up!!!

in essence i like hedonistic and anarchical ways of doing things and i like weird out there belief systems (think gnosticism. i just finished a level religious studies and i fucking loved gnosticism). i also like the idea that the body is a tool or whatever to use for having fun then dying. i dont think im getting my point across here but whatever its just sludgy brain ramble. brain soup

i think if i was gonna worship anything it'd be the sky and space or something. i dont understand the appeal of staring at flowers all day (or other similarly universally agreed upon beautiful aspects of nature) but i could stare at the moon + space shit forever. itd be cool to be an ancient roman and worship all the gods i want + sit drinking wine and stare up at space at night wondering what the hell all that shit is

but i also rlly like the idea of angels and bible lore and stuff. it's so cool to me some of the shit they were writing then not realising how much it would impact the world. sometimes i think that even if i can't bring myself to believe in miracle man jesus i could believe in angels just because how awesome would that be

anyway. lmk in the comments if i should start a cult