poems!!

this is a series of poems i wrote a bit ago!! vv

1. gravedigging with a boy, who i can only see foggy and unclear in my head. he digs up her body, and out of respect for the man he'll make, he kicks it. he takes it apart and puts it together in a different order, smearing dirt on the seams, sticking splinters to hold him together. hes dirty and hes poor work but its honest. his hair is matted and his eyes are dark but he's been reincarnated to something new, something better. they destroy the grave stone and leave the cemetery.

2. he mourns her. in his mattress he lays, picking at the splinters like he should take himself apart. his doctor, his maker, his lover, doesn't understand such a feeling. you took her apart, you took her body and her memories to make me. she was so young, and i took what she could've had away, he says. the doctor laughs and sits next to him. she was just the base for you. she was just the needed parts, the blank slate, to make you. everything that happened to her was to carve you into the man you are now. he looks at the doctor, and looks at the dirt and splinters. he thinks of her headstone. he thinks of the memories her brain has lended him.

and he says, i suppose so

3. no matter how full i am no matter how many days i spend in the dirt, there's still something missing. he lays his head in the lap of the doctor. the doctor laughs, and asks why he looks so dejected. if he would like another meal. if he needs stitches or new parts. he shrugs, he looks up at the ceiling. nothing feels quite right. nothing feels the way i thought it would. i know i dont want to be her again, necromancy isn't my style. and yet i still came back wrong and zombielike

4. is there anything you cant offer to me? why cant you fix me?

i cant give you what isnt mine to offer

it doesnt make sense to him. it doesn't and it never will. you'll have to ask someone else, the doctor says. and he does, he asks every other bug and rodent and none of them bring him the closure he needs. why cant it be easier? why do all the rats recognize his headstone? he killed that girl and he'll kill you too. why is it, when he looks up to his doctor, teary eyed, he shows no sympathy?

5. every morning i have to put myself back together. new mud, new dirt, yada yada.

every morning, he thinks. he dreads the thought that ten years from now, it wont end. that it must keep happening.

he stares and stares. those made of concrete, cement, superglue, welded together. he looks at himself, and he looks at who he once was.

the doctor, bless his heart, he tells him its something beautiful. the doctor shows him and does it for him and the doctor points out that this only means he'll get dirtier by the day- and shows him what dirty boys deserve.

not only is it something to admire, the doctor says, but it too can be something to enjoy