The Cape

The "Cape" is where I go in the Summer to "relax", that is what I tell people. In reality, it is where I go to put myself in a state of mind where I go insane and the only thing to put me at peace again is to sink myself into the cool ocean waves that the peninsula has to offer and let it carry and drag me like a lifeless, useless body. The sea salt waves going over my body and face, drowning me for a few moments before going up again, like a bobbing buoy, salt going into my painfully burning eyes when I get dragged under and then the sun flashing into my eyes again when I go back up, the waves shoving itself into my mouth making me gag and choke, almost like torture. that was the thing, it was, "self-torture", what I was doing to myself was almost like what they did at the "Salem Witch Trials", but when I am not doing that, or before I put myself in that, I sit down and do nothing, I let my thoughts completely eat me alive, like maggots and meat. I've let myself go numb, so numb I can't even think, so numb I can't tell what's real or fake. I find myself questioning time and my existence, sometimes I think nothing is real anymore. I ask myself useless questions, so meaningless that asking dumb ones makes more sense.

this is what makes me feel like I'm going crazy. I have much more to say but if I kept going my fingers would fall off and I would have nothing to pull the trigger on a gun that would end my sad poetic life