gender

PLEASE DONT FEEL FORCED TO READ THIS! this is just a rant about how i feel about my gender, so if you have something more important to do then go do that<3

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gender for me is weird. very weird. im still young so its still early to have everything figured out, but i just wanted to put down some of my thoughts on it.

(i made the text a little bit darker because i personally find it hard to read large pieces of text when the contrast between text and background is so high, i hope that helps with the reading)

im definitely not a girl. i dont like dressing feminine most of the time and i HATE having long hair. most of the time im uncomfortable with she/her pronouns and feminine terms. though sometimes thats not the case. there are certain days where i enjoy wearing dresses and skirts and low rise jeans with tight t-shirts, and i don't mind being called a she. that's very rare though. thats the case with masculine pronouns too, though i feel more comfortable with those. for example, out of seven days a week im okay with she/her for one day, he/him for three and they/them always. 

that sounds a lot like genderfluid, but im not sure thats the right label for me. i dont even think there is a right label. non-binary feels like the most fitting one, though im not sure anymore.

my girlfriend yesterday asked me if i was a trans boy, and if i was that would change things a bit. im scared that something's gonna happen to our relationship, and so i tried explaining to her how my gender feels. she hasnt seen the messages yet because shes sleeping. that made me think about gender a lot, and so i decided to write this.

i dont want her to think im a boy and thats it, cause thats not who i am. sometimes ima boy, but not even completely. the only thing about my body that gives me dysphoria is my chest, but thats it. i dont think id feel comfortable with getting bottom surgery, so having a penis.

i think i feel most comfortable just being androgynous. i like it when people cant figure out if im a boy or a girl, and most of the time i want it to stay like that. hence why i dont like my chest but dont mind having a girls reproductive system.

sometimes i think i might be agender, but idk. it sounds like an accurate label, but so does non-binary. for now ill just keep using non-binary for convenience, since most people know more what non-binary means rather than agender.

i think this is it for now, maybe ill write more of these in the future.

thank you for listening to my rant <3