💚 diary #14 ❤️ 6/23/2024 💚

good evening chat!!!! my stomach hurts and i feel a little lightheaded and weak but we're gonna fix that soon!!

it's not really my stomach... it's ACTUALLY just my pelvic area and stuff and whenever i move, it gets worse. i also cannot tell what's going on with my head and idk i just feel SUPER weird and maybe i am dissociating? 

i probably just need to eat. maybe trying to be vegetarian was a bad idea... i already have an ed and do sports i NEED protein. i'm gonna go get one of those plant chocolate protein shakes when i post this i guess and make some avocado toast . and MAYBE some ramen? but that might have chicken in it. but i might need the chicken. but i have sushi. but the sushi has fish in it. but ihave leftover pizza. which is vegetarian

i really hate having a digestive system i don't know if any of you could tell

today was sunday so iwas supposed to go to church but i was really tired. and i had studying to do. so i slept in by like an extra 45 minutes, showered, stayed home.. when i finally got up my parents had gone to the grocery store and i asked for hot chocolate mix but they said it was too expensive so my mom just bought cocoa powder + said we could just make it ourselves. yay i guess? 

she keeps insisting on me using this chocolate clear sugar syrup which i think is kind of nasty and it makes me feel weird bc it has a lot of calories in it but i think the mix has more so idk

mental illness

actually do ihave mental illness?????? or do i not?? IDK 

so yeah they also brought back sushi for me and it was like. imitation crab with some avocado and something else? it was pretty good but not really my preference. they also got fried chicken AND UGDSKLGJ I LOVE GROCERY STORE FRIED CHICKEN i'll miss it a lot if i truly commit to being vegetarian

anyhow so then i went upstairs and studied for a bit. i put on a playthrough of deltarune chapter 2 as some background noise and it was actually really fun even if a little bit distracting lol

then at like 1 pm i got kinda sleepy so laid down and........... 

 i took a three hour nap. so much for a good sleep schedule </3 i remember i thought about girls while sleeping.... masc girls.... and being in their lap....... and...... i'm lesbian !!!!!

i also had a weird dream but  i forgot what happened.

after i got up i went and talked to some people using the IM thing and it was really cool!!! and i checked my neocities page. i have nothing on there except a link to my spacehey.. thankfully, no views yet.

then i studied some more and got MOST of what i needed to learn done. i have to do chapter 5 tommorrow and then just practice a LOT since i didn't study like i should in this past week.. the material is actually quite easy its just a LOT.

thought about getting proposed to while i studied 

Oh when i typed that the ferris wheel song from deltarune came on

maybe it would be cute to get proposed to on a ferris wheel. it was mostly on my brain since one of my favourite youtubers, pixielocks, got engaged like a week ago. so idk i just wanna be married to the love of my life.....

i don't really want a fancy ring or even a real diamond. maybe something that means a lot to both of us. like, if this one girl i know proposed to me, i'd hope it was a ruby.. since our steven universe ocs are a ruby and a sapphire.

i'd also like to be the one getting proposed to but thats not required. it might be fun to surpise a girlfriend..

i'm making a different post about this later LOL

i discovered spacehey groups today as wel. i saw a few i'm interested in but i'm scared to join </3

aaaaanyway..... i was doing something with the $p command in mudae and my friend rory said to move it to the bot command channel instead of the mudae channel which mde me mad for some reason. so i said i was almost done and as soon as i finished MOON ASKED ME TO MOVE. which made me angry too and i feel so awful because i feel like i snapped at her when she insists i didn't. i wish i  had just moved channels but they were like "i'm getting so many pings" and like. yeah you know what the ping is. it'll go away and idk it just made me mad and now i'm mad at myself for getting mad

i was told it was  supposed to be 100 degrees today but thankfully i didn't go outside

oh, i wanted to talk about my last day of vacation bible school

i got moved to taking care of toddlers and that was honestly super weird. i had to hold them and give them food and snacks and carry them and put them in little strollers and IDK it was so strange???? i  had never done that for a kid before. they were at the age where they were just happy to have me blow bubbles for them and slide cars around everywhere. one of them was like 18 months and she was so sweet.. she liked me. i did leave for like 5 minutes though (i did not leave the 4 babies by themselves it was me and another old lady LOL) and when i came back one of them smashed her finger in a cabinet. and she saw me andREACHED FOR ME and i got scared bc i thought i was gonna drop her. and i ran and sat down. but she clung to me like a monkey so it was okay. and she calmed down like instantly LOL

i think she likes me because i kinda look like her mom. blonde hair and blue eyes. kind of tall. what's funny is she looks like me when i was a baby

i learned little kids really like goofy stuff too and bubbles and singing little songs. gives me the confidence that i could be a daycare worker lol but i think i'd get tired of it fast

my friend dan has like a million little cousins so he's really good with kids and idk i want to be nice to them too

ok i thought i was gonna type more on that but i don't really want to LOL

i don't have much else to talk about for today. i'm going to watch sasha play deltarune later tonight and make something for a little midnight snack and that's it. maybe i will code my neocities site....... and play petz.

thanks for listening !!! sky / noelle out !!!

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Listening To: Vistas - Retrospect 

Mood: Sick
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