sdfghjklöää#äölkjhgf

I lost hope in profectionals. I don't think prayers can help me anymore (my mom prays for me everytime behind my back but nothing changes).The people who wanted to "help/save me" are the ones who litearlly destroid my life.I lost my spelling and writing skills in both langaguges I know so now I sound like a 3 year old everytime I speak. I can't comuicate my needs. I can't even think straight anymore. I wasted so much time on the internet that I've stupider every day. they wan't to see me like that.I lost my uniqe way of seeing and experiencing the world. the way I acosiated stuff with smells and visuall things. I don't think anyone or anything can help me anymore

I  tried with mental hospitals, psychtrist, diognostis,therapist litearlly everythig multiple times for 5 years now but nothing changed. only my parents and the adults around me now feel good and don't have to worry anymore.

is that even possible? like not being saved by litearll profectionals? I had more thereapist than I can remember, I went 3 TIMES + (1 being extended. 1 month or so being added) TO A MENTAL HOSPITAL. I've lost many education years because of it that I can't get back. I had to learn about sexuall stuff throu the internet cuz I never had sex ed wich messed with me.I've never got to learn about sex healthy and safetly. H . 

my envirotment failed me. I wasn't that close to my family and I never got to have close friends. the only close friends I had either left me or I left them. I lived in a dangerous city. playgrounds are dirty, and everywere you see there is atleast one casino. I'm sorry for sounding like a toddler or a boomer writing like this, I don't really mean it.

I wish there would be a special person that could save my life

I regressed to a dumb emotionless retard