Being me(means to not feel human)

I live unusual for my age, I don’t find myself common to my age group, but older or younger don't seem to fit in well either,

I seem to just be alone, I wanna be like everyone else but I’m stuck being me,

Being me isn't so bad on the surface but when you break it apart,

Being me means to be idealized in every way, to be perfect, to be intelligent yet quiet, pretty yet modest, but not too modest that I don’t fit modern styles, being me means not a single failure, being me means I have to succeed in the future, being me me means I have to be pure and innocent but not naive, being me means I have to constantly battle my brain in confusion of who I am and who should I be, being me means constantly being exhauste from thinking, being me means everyone attracts to me but still am all alone, being me means being like everyone else yet unique at the very same time, being me means you constantly are on a breaking point and keep starting over and over again, being me means forgiving the people that hurt me to the point of no return, being me means being called boring for my interests, being me means letting go of the anger and jealousy for the sake of my aching heart, being me means to give up on people to the point where I don’t care whether they live or die, being me means I’ll never fit in but I’ll never stand out beautifully, being me means to go from the their sunshine to their nightmare, being me means that if I’m not smiling like an angel, they call me ill, they accuse me for being filled with anger but in actuality I just cant seem to feel anything in the moment, so yes I am unusual for my age yet I am exactly like them, but in all being me means to question my  humanity, it means to constantly wonder if i’m human enough, if i’m normal enough, all these feelings could be the aching relization that I am not human or it could be just another night of a lonely writer stuck in their head.