Unwind Dystology: Unwind Chapter 61

WARNING FOR UNWIND SPOILERS! READ WITH CAUTION!

i'm so fucking devastated. i just finished the first book via my friend's recommendation (he's read the whole series), and i came to really like Roland as a character. even when he and Connor fought right before his unwinding appointment, he didn't find any satisfaction in killing Connor, so he left him on the ground.

why did he do this?

oh, no reason, other than he REFUSES to be a killer. he refuses to be his dad. he refuses to be the cause of anyone's death, for any reason whatsoever.

the only reason he did what he did in the first place is because survival is all he was taught. even as he felt the tugging at his stomach, the tingle at his jaw, the slow loss of his own consciousness, he realized he didn't want Connor to die. he didn't get anything from it.

he turned Connor in because he wanted to survive. all he wanted was to survive, and if he had to manipulate, ruin, he didn't care. but Connor stood in his way.

and EVEN THEN. he wouldn't kill him.

i love Roland and he did nothing wrong and i stand by this. i cried for 30 minutes reading this chapter.