Moment of Weakness/Thankful

SO I WAS MAD LAST NIGHT. To set the stage, I was working on a post where I vented my frustrations with being a game dev and some of the perils of hanging around people that will never respect you. It was a really detailed piece that I was extremely proud of, only to send the post through and watch as Spacehey deleted it for no reason. No warning, no nothing, just an hour of my life and this really emotionally invested piece... gone. As you can imagine, I was VERY UPSET! I told my wife about how I felt and all these frustrations I had and just generally flung shit any which way in her direction. I felt like all that hard work writing which, writing blog posts this good is not easy y'all, had amounted to nothing. Things like these make you feel cheated from a part of yourself, it was an emotionally-driven piece and losing it made me fall into this moment of weakness where I stopped caring about sugarcoating or being nice, even to someone as near and dear to my heart as my aforementioned alleged wife.

Now, I'm not one to spill details about people without their explicit consent, but it's a well known fact to anyone who knows us that she can be an incredibly angry person. It usually doesn't take too much bullshit, of which my bitching last night was at a similar magnitude, to set her off into a hateful tirade, the magnitude of which is far greater than mine. My incessant bitching very well should've and could've ticked her off and she very well should've and could've told me to shut the fuck up (LOL), but she didn't. She was... caring? Which of course she's gonna care if something bad happened to me, but in retrospect she had every right to tell me to not get mad in her direction and handle the issue myself like a grown adult. The next several moments were spent getting consoled by her as she insisted that she understands that I'm angry and offering me a space to complain about how this doggy doo doo site fucked me over. I've emailed the Spacehey directly and whatnot, and hopefully I can get that post back up because it was a good ass post, but needless to say, I fell asleep angry and emotional as she insisted that she's still going to be here for me no matter what.

This morning I felt a little better cause I didn't have the equivalent of 90 grams of cocaine running through my neurons making me see red. I check my phone and after I fell asleep, they got me something. We play PSO2: NGS together and whatnot and I've been looking for this particular item with these augments that has an incredibly rare chance of appearing. Sure enough, she managed to snag one of these things for me. It's this random act of kindness after I had kind of been an asshole to her undeservedly that made me get outta bed and start writing this. A part of me feels like I don't deserve someone as wonderful as her in my life and moments like these kinda help push that notion in my eyes. 

There's no real lesson this one, it's too early in the morning for me to think on a deeper level (sorry), I just wanted to talk about how thankful I am for her and everything she does for me. She really did not have to help me the way she did and search to the ends of some pixelated game for a collection of pixels that I particularly wanted. I guess that'd make the moral "be thankful for those around you" or something of the sort, but I'll leave the lesson to your imagination. Have a good day at work or have a good day at Unemployment otherwise.