officially a friendless loser again

lately i have not been really hanging out with anyone in specific, not at school.

all of the people i considered friends are just "casual classmates" now

in fact, one of them does not even have my phone number anymore, and they didnt have intention in adding my phone number when they bought their new phone.

there is this non-school related friend group that im barely part of, i have only hanged out with them like 3 times in the span of 3 months aprox, and, the only person i have connection with from that friend group, one of my childhood friends, is not pat of the group anymore, so i have no motivation to hang out with them.

the only friend i have left is hospitalized, and next year, im going to a separate group, so, they will also become another "casual classmate", not that they werent before eitherway.

i thought i had finally become more normal, but i guess i was worng, i have fallen into the scenario i feared when i first started middle school; not having friends.

in just a few days, i was supposed to hang out with that friend group at an anime expo, but i dont really want to go with them; everyone knows eachother closely except me, and, knowing how ankward i am, it would not work out. im afraid they will find me inside the con.

i also dont have friends on the internet, so im practically alone; the only connections i have are now relatively close classmates, and people i sometimes interact with on the internet, aka you guys

crying just makes me feel even more ridiculous, i feel stupid for writing this, but i havent been able to buy a new journal yet so this is the only place i have to write such things.

i would say something like "any1 wanna be friends?" but i doubt i would even acomplish such task, and i could just kind of "dissapear", as in, being the most boring person in existence, which im not, but i control my words so much i just censor everything that could ever come to my brain.

i doubt anyone is reading this, which i respect, i wouldnt read it myself, but it feels great, i guess its a human instinct.