Hey SpaceSleepers (9): Romantic (and sometimes Platonic) Desireability

   I spend a lot of time thinking
about this and I know it's a
rather heavy subject to think
about but today's topic is about
love, specifically about appealing
to people personally. This is
something that used to be a lot
more potent on my mind, especially
preceding my current long-term
relationship as it has now fallen
on the back-burner as my partner
doesn't expect me anymore than he
already knows of me, but when I
was in high school, I too
was caught up in looking for
a partner who would care for me.

I internalized a lot of the ideas
that no one would care for me if
I was not attractive or interesting
enough to engage them, if I was not
constantly putting up the act of
someone who could perhaps fix them.
I naturally found people and attempted
to find a place where I would fit in
emotionally so that they wouldn't rid
themselves of me like a particularly
adhesive wad of gum.
So began the many
people who developed crushes on me due
 to their desire for me to fix them in a
way. They saw how much I would put
effort into cheering others up and
they wanted to covet that. In a way, I
guess it would be expected, but it was
not something that I would describe as
a way to live. I think you should be
able to seek people out who don't
require you to be a tool to them.


— Mars  ᓚᘏᗢ


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