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I spend a lot of time thinking about this and I know it's a rather heavy subject to think about but today's topic is about love, specifically about appealing to people personally. This is something that used to be a lot more potent on my mind, especially preceding my current long-term relationship as it has now fallen on the back-burner as my partner doesn't expect me anymore than he already knows of me, but when I was in high school, I too was caught up in looking for a partner who would care for me. I internalized a lot of the ideas that no one would care for me if I was not attractive or interesting enough to engage them, if I was not constantly putting up the act of someone who could perhaps fix them. I naturally found people and attempted to find a place where I would fit in emotionally so that they wouldn't rid themselves of me like a particularly adhesive wad of gum. So began the many people who developed crushes on me due to their desire for me to fix them in a way. They saw how much I would put effort into cheering others up and they wanted to covet that. In a way, I guess it would be expected, but it was not something that I would describe as a way to live. I think you should be able to seek people out who don't require you to be a tool to them. — Mars ᓚᘏᗢ |
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