Bias/Interpersonal Entitlement dies today

I'm pretty ashamed to admit (Only just pretty ashamed because I feel like the issue I realized I had is extremely common) that even if it's a subtle, pushed down part of myself, I used to be pretty damn judgemental and entitled and now that I'm pursuing a "Take everything at face value" ideology I'm realizing how dumb that is.

I think it all stems from overthinking, rationalizing, and patternizing if that's even a word. Trying to fit everything into boxes, depict actions and patterns from attributes that have no connection to actions: basically, decide what to think about someone based on parts of their identity that really shouldn't matter? This part of me was small, probably harmless to most, but I realize that the subconscious ways I used to think about others are ways that racists, homophobes, and just every bigot imaginable thinks. It's a way my subconscious made me feel better about myself, in some twisted sense, and even more twisted is the fact that it all stemmed from my self hatred of my past self.

I used to be mentally unstable, insecure, and I'm trying to not say the word "loser" because that's what my mind immediately jumps to but that's really how I feel about my past self and it's messed up. I grew so much, healed so much, but in response to that I view everything that fits into the box of who I used to be as dangerous, and thus in pursuit of the polar opposite I fall into another toxic cycle. I think that should stop, like I said earlier, taking things at face value has seriously been helping my morals.

Depression is just depression, something we describe as a mental illness which makes some more sad, angry, or just changes their emotions in a way that is generally debilitating. It's not some sign that anyone with depression needs to go on a FAD diet or meditate or whatever, at least inherently, it's just what it is. Basically, depression does not remove, or even change the aspect of "personhood" that we implicitly apply onto others. We need, and I need, to stop mental patterns that change who we place the title of "personhood" onto. Plenty of people hold this title from those who are queer, who are not white, who are younger, who have mental illness, who have physical illness, who have chronic illness, and I could go on and on. Even at a subconscious level, it's still equally harmful as if it was explicit bigotry. Maybe even moreso, because it's hidden and excusable. 

And probably no one really gets what I mean because I talk weird, so If I could explain this blog in a sentence: Judgement for other people can be subconscious and hidden away in our minds, which has been and is the root of bigotry, so I want to purge judgement for others from my mind and take things at a generally face value.

 Call this hypocritical, but this mindset of course has it's limits, and maybe it having it's limits is (again) hypocritical, but I don't think I can stop myself from judging or removing the title of personhood from a murderer. It's a moral conundrum, but at the present moment, I don't have a specific moral rule for what seriously irks me other than just feels. Mental illness and like, killing others aren't at all comparable reasons to judge others, but for the sake of the ideology of 'removing judgement', I understand why people think removing judgement for some and not for everyone is hypocritical and flawed. But I think that's a thing with most ideologies, exceptions and weird scenarios will always be there. Kind of similar to the trolley problem I guess 

Anyways yeah I hope you got something from this! I was just thinking about it and it bothered me how much I internally lessen my view of others from things that either affected me in the past or things others judge for no good reason. Here's to being kinder, and I hope you have a wonderful day