a rant about self absorption

long time no see. recently i’ve been writing in my journal more often than blogging but i’ve been reminded that i haven’t uploaded in quite some time lollz. anyways,,

these days i just do my own thing. work, spend time in my maximalist room (i love it there), smoke, hangout with friends and think about my career choices. as i do the normal freshly-adult activities, i’ve dealt with the MOST insufferable human beings in the past few months.

back then, when i was younger; i’d say about 17 or 18, i had a super self absorbed obsession, and i remember the moments i would wake up feeling “confident.” and the reason i put it in quotation is because it was really just cockiness. i’ve noticed in my teenage years i had problems connecting with people, holding onto friendships & even talking to people. i never want to be this person again. and i won’t. 

self absorbed people with close minds are miserable & they will never fail to be as long as they stay in that little box.

the last time i really ever felt that way was when i started arguing with people that were most important to me at the moment. it was more of a wake-up call than anything… but ever since i did the reflection and change, the universe has granted me to encounter someone who is just like my past-self.

and as i dealt with them, it reminded me of who i used to be. how i used to feel. how i used to communicate with people simply because i felt i was placed higher on the scale. on the outside at least… you can feel like you’re at the top, but at what cost? your morals? your kindness? your empathy? it’s almost sickening when i think about it all over again. 

i don’t know who needs to hear it, but you aren’t that special. neither am i. the internet is taken seriously by so many even though we will all die one day. its almost like we’re all here to simply make it through, right..??

anyway, i’m just sooo tired of regular ass tax paying citizens feeling so entitled to being cocky individuals…. and although i’ve done the work & change, i’ve never not been afraid to stick up for myself, and call indirect people out. speaking up has never been a flaw of mine. it’s a blessing & a curse. but i’ll be damned if someone whose entire life is on the internet tries to make people feel bad. 

as i close this entry i want to remind you of one thing.

if you have something to say, say it. if you have a problem with someone, say it. otherwise you can stay miserable while i live my life. no one is sitting around waiting for you. be cocky and die or be empathetic and live. 

- V