My First Break Up

I knew it was coming for a very long time; however, that doesn't really spare me any anguish. I really did love this girl, but she wasn't willing to try to fix her problems, nor did she enjoy doing relationship-ish things. She was the first girl I've loved... and I guess after many years of me keeping my heart closed, I lowered my guard to her.

I tried to stay patient with her slow response times--which only grew longer as the months went on--but eventually, it just kinda... yeah. And I will admit, I am a pretty insecure and overly attached guy, and it surely didn't help me here. Regardless of that, though, when we did address issues... she always avoided accountability and seemingly lied about trying when she obviously didn't. I just got fed-up, I guess.

I do miss her, and I do still love her. This is some of the most intense sorrow I've felt in a very long time, and I pine for a way to end that sorrow (because I'm a bitch, lol).

Some things just arent meant to be, though, and I turn this into a message for all of my lovely readers (even though they should probs find someone who can write fluidly). Please, if your partner isn't changing and is repeating their mistakes time and time again: leave. It'll hurt like hell, but it'll hurt even MORE than that if you let it go on and on. Do not tolerate that disrespect towards yourself, I beg of you.

And to M, if she happens to read this: I'm sorry that we couldn't make things work. I still blame myself for not being strong enough to put up with you, and feel like all of this is somehow my fault even though I know it isn't.