thoughts (06/13/24)

these are just my thoughts as im fronting and living the world in this little moment and im definitely not hopping on a little trend ive noticed our friends do so i can find more interesting people like us/me (lies)

current song: bodysnatchers by radiohead

writer: jay (he/him please)

we had this old laptop which is 3x as heavy, slow and wide as our new laptop im actually using to type this (thankful i have desktop spacehey) and well we got it taken away bc like they (birbys parents) said it was "making me do all this stuff" like have depression or whatever i mean yeah i guess but our mental issues sure didnt vanish when it got taken away! anyway. so it has way more old files from our microsoft account which is the same one on this computer. and for some reason most of the files on old laptop didnt back up to new laptop's onedrive. so since birby's mom recently started also working and the house was parentless some days of the week, i decided why not take this new opportunity to sneak the old laptop out and try and get our files consistent. 

originally when i was using this laptop, it was pretty good but for some reason some harddrive issue makes it have these episodes where it bugs out, the screen flashes and the audio gets glitchy which definitely did not freak poor birby out the first time lol- it also had a lot of bsod errors in our last year or so of using it, and the camera app on it wouldnt open, and well, now that i open it again, maybe i dont miss it, because its so heavy, and now its also loading everything super slow. so RIP.

we had like half our memes and my art, refs of ocs, bla bla bla that were all stuck on there so im glad we have it all back now on our onedrive for good. unfortunately now birbs mom did come home but its only friday tomorrow so maybe both of them will be off working again, i know at least her dad will lol.

changed song to: harrowdown hill by thom yorke

awhile ago H became our new main host and well i guess theyre kinda similar to me because we're both fictives from popular media who need to hide their identity from pretty much most people (jay isnt my real name) because people are fucking weird, i mean ive seen people who kin me, who know me, and im like, i hope they never figure me out lol. ive seen enough shit of me, and i guess H also got curious about that and definitely regretted looking. doesnt help at all theyre a minor meanwhile im 19-- it sucks how us fictives have to kinda live with this reality of being 'known' but not... 'known'. idk. systems feel me?

anyway they wanna go tell the same friends who im very close with, very sweet people, who they are, but theyre like making fun of the way i did it? i kinda made it like a big reveal or something since well they were actively talking about me and i didnt know what to do but i did it and well a lot of shit has happened because of all that but at the end of the day im still here so whatever. i guess H thinks what i did was 'dramatic' and is playing a game where they send little pictures to our friends with just the caption "me fr" and the picture is like related to something about them? idk, but i feel like they'll be way more fine when they actually find out then at least how i was lmao, because one of the people at the time i came out to was 1. turned out to be a real piece of work after all and wouldnt stop shit talking the person i was closest to 2. i still wonder if they ever really liked us in the first place 3. i wonder if i was ever right in that situation but its over and theyre gone, so whatever.

hoped you enjoyed my incessant ramblings of the day... dont know how to end this except see you on the flipside ig lol (does this go in blogging or... life? im choosing life bc blogging feels like a different connotation to me if anything)