heyeyeyeyeyye

It's been 25 days since my last blog, damn and while I'm pretty sure very few people are reading them, they help me keep track of my life in a certain way and not gaslight myself into thinking that what I felt at a certain time wasn't THAT bad..

I spoke with my bf, about two or three weeks ago and it was a really really long texting conversation where I just spilled everything and told him what I felt straight up, I was respectful ofc bc I wasnt really mad at him, I was just sad because of how I was being treated and I just thought to myself all the time: "why won't he do things for me?"

A lot of things happened, in a 5 hour long convo we decided on breaking up, I cried, I begged, we settled on a relationship where I could find someone else if he wasn't enough but then I didnt like that idea and back to the breakup-but-getting-together-after-summer thing and that felt better.

I was calm for a while... and then I started crying for hours when I realized that he wouldn't treat me like his partner anymore.. Safe to say we got back together the day after, and I know I'm weak and dependant but I'm just not ready to let go..

All these ideas of breaking up and letting me go were because he arrived to the conclusion that he doesn't really want to put effort in the relationship, at least he can't rn because he has his own problems (and he's also gonna start working in summer so he's gonna ignore me a bit).

Either way, idk how to feel about anything, I'm just gonna accept things as they are and hope for the best after summer is over but I won't see him until christmas so I'm not sure we'll last that long.. I just want to see him before breaking up.. It seems that our problems are solved when we see eachother IRL.

I'm not sure how to feel.

I'm also having issues at school with friends who are truly horrible people (not even exaggerating, they're horrible to me) but the end of school is getting near.. and I'm happy about that

I also downloaded many smiths albums on my phone!! As well as Joaquín Sabina onesSSssSS

Well, until I get the motivation to write more or if I get ideas bye bye strangers on the internet!!