W.I.P (New story <3)

I’ve been asked many times if I knew what I was doing. If I knew what I was doing was going to hurt the people around me. If only I knew… Would things have changed between us? Would I have made the same choice if I knew what was going to become of me, if I knew what I had to sacrifice to get it? I’m the bad guy. I’m the bad guy who steps on the landmine they’ve tried to avoid and crumbles. Crumbles like their defenses were the weakest than it ever was. Maybe that was the truth of everyone who put on the facade to get what they wanted, the ones cruel enough to do so at least. 

I’ve noticed many before me have played the same cards as I have. Has it been because of the environment these people have been raised in? Were they as special as I? Did they have as much of an impact on people as I have? Perhaps they did. Perhaps they were kings who ruled lands into the endless horizon. Perhaps they were knights of nobility who fought until they got their goal and didn’t stop until they did so. Or perhaps they were like me, a person sharp with their tongue and knew how to use it. Someone who used it to get themselves out of trouble. Someone who knew how to play and manipulate as if it was the same playground. Or perhaps…they were like them, a kind heart who played by the rules. A person of sympathetic background. Someone who would sacrifice everything for something they felt so passionate about. I always admired them for such a fact. Now I find that it wasn’t because they were so admirable. It was because they were self-destructive. They wanted to play the hero so much to be validated. They wished for someone to acknowledge their existence. It was truly pitiful..

There are so many labels for so many different types of people. Labels for skin color, personality, looks, figure, but there was never one for us, now was there? We were so different from society, that society chose to ignore us as a whole. We had no place in society. Nobody wanted us, nobody even wanted to be seen with us, but they tolerated them. Maybe that was the difference between them and I. People liked to be with them, at least when they were forced to. People didn’t want anything to do with me. I was a pest to them. No better than the average cockroach. 

They were treated so delicately compared to me. There was nothing different about us besides our personalities and looks, so why treat us so differently? I don’t understand. Maybe I never will. I don’t know if I am okay with knowing that I’ll always find someone who was treated so much better than me. No matter how much I work to please people. No matter how much I try to walk in between the lines of society; nobody treats me like they’ve treated them. That’s all I want, to be treated as delicate as them. I’ll never find someone who will treat me as an equal. That will always be a problem I face when it comes to this place. 

But even after the way we’re treated differently.. They, themselves, never see me the same way as the others do. Maybe that’s why society favors them more than they do me. They see the good in people when others don’t. I don’t really know if that’s an admirable trait as it is just a normal thing you see. 

When I get hurt, when I feel sick, they’re always there. To help me feel better. I don’t know if it’s pity or if it’s something else. It pisses me off nonetheless. They have no reason to treat me like a lost puppy. I’m not someone that needs to depend on others to survive. I am not someone who needs the help of others to get simple tasks done. I am not weak. I am not fragile. I am not them. I never will be. I am someone with pride, someone with things on the line, someone with power. Power to make people kiss the ground I walk on. What do they have? Incapable humans don’t deserve to be treated as luxurious as those who have the power and influence. That is the difference between them and I. The difference in power and influence is one of a great range. The commoners admire them for their kindness and purity, the nobles chose me because of my ideas circulating in politics. Even then, I don’t have the high society in the tight knit as much as I wanted them to be. They don’t trust me. I feel their judgmental eyes everytime I walk into a room. They’re horrible at hiding it. They thought I wouldn’t notice it. The only thing keeping them from making such rash decisions is because of my place in politics. My decisions have made us move forward into a new age. They’d be fools to throw me away so early in the game. Then again, nobility isn’t known for its great decisions. That weakness is what I plan to corrupt and make my debut as one of the best. I should keep my humble facade if I want to keep playing this game. 

Light pierced through the black stained glass window, curtains opened with one of the maids working on tea. I wasn’t one who was fond of day, I much preferred nighttime. Mostly nobody is awake to bother me, nor do I have loud noises to distract me from my work. “My Lord, you have a meeting with the Viscountess Hagan and Marchioness Lovett.” A sigh escapes my mouth. “Very well, please let them know of my arrival,” I stated. The maid nods and walks out of my chambers. I am left alone with my thoughts of everything I need to do. 

I lift my body from the comforts of my own bed and grab the silks of my clothing that were set at the end of the furniture. I slip them on and tie my hair up and brush stray strands away from my face. Gray eyes stare back at me in the mirror. This body somehow doesn’t feel like my own again.

Again. A weird word to describe experiencing something you’ve done multiple times. A word to describe something that has happened before. Perhaps it was one of the few things the aristocracy and commoners have in common with each other.. There aren’t many things the different classes share with each other, but the idea of everyone going through the same troubles feels.. More human. 

I opened my jewelry box, glittering jewels giving me a shining welcome. I grabbed a crimson broach, and pinned it on the left side of my coat.

I head down to the common area and am greeted by two bright faces. A woman with dark raven hair and brown eyes. She wore a dark purple dress with silver accents, she held such a powerful presence. That alone told me she was Viscountess Hagan. Despite being of a lower title, she still found it to be proper to act with great respect to those around her. A blonde woman in a forest green dress stood beside her with a gentle presence. She stood shyly, but elegantly. It wasn’t her first time meeting someone of a higher social status. Marchioness Lovett, was her name, and a close friend of mine since my memory could reach. I knew her from family ties. My father knows her mother from more and more family to which many could mistake us as family. We met as adolescentes, both looking for what we could cause controlled disorder to. Walking around the manor and overhearing our families information about a case that involved the supernatural, and while controlled disorder was our original plan, we wished for nothing more than to find what supernatural was at play. We snuck out of our rooms to plan and the next night we set out on our journey.

The night was quiet and we ran away in uniforms that were worn by juniors. As we were both the eldest in our families and studying to work for the inheritance of the family title, we were allowed to wear the uniforms on select occasions. 

Looking through the woods, Ms. Lovett acquired the paperwork from the case. An old house outside of the boundary lines had caught the attention of the imperial family. The hauntings have caused several incidents. Such as the death of the head of the most well known trading family in the nation. Most times, places that reside over the boundary line aren’t the imperial family’s problems, but it seemed that this was an exception. An older house under the name of an older family that went to ruins not long ago resided over the boundary line making such a commotion. My dear friend looked at me with worry. 

“Are we allowed to check in the house? This is messing with imperial investigations which could be labeled as treason..”

The worry in her voice mixed in with the gentle tone. We both knew that we hadn’t had any protection against the imperial family if we were to be put on trial for such things like treason.. But even knowing that, it seemed to fuel my curiosity even more. I couldn’t stop myself from grabbing her hand and running toward the scene of attention. The cold air of the night stung my face. My legs kept moving forward as I ran towards the old establishment. There was something about it I couldn’t place. The aura surrounding it felt so forbidding. I suppose I figured out the reason so many avoided this place after its abandonment. It was a place of warning. Everyone stupid enough to go through it seemed to have a death wish, or just seriously curious. It was a matter protected by the imperial family, so in that case, nobody got close to anything that had anything to do with it besides the temple. Besides the usual preaching, the temple was in charge of making sure all the cases were in order. Everything was a perfect system of command and control and nobody seemed to question it. The temple of God and the ruling family of the nation, it seemed like the perfect idea to leave these types of matters in the hands of this team. They were the unstoppable forces everyone knew about and revered. 

It seemed like two girls would eventually go against every single rule that such a powerful force had precedent. As we entered the estate, the smell of blood and chemicals attacked our senses. It was obvious something more than a simple dispute had happened. Two figures of white chalk marked the areas of the corpses, blood stained furniture and the smell of chemicals showed to us that someone tried to clean it up. Whether it was the person trying to hide it or the detectives finally cleaning up the scene, we would never know. My body began to feel heavy. My thoughts ran through my mind as if I had no control over myself. I felt like I was going to pass out. That night taught me about the gory details of the imperial that are often hidden away.

I knew the Viscountess from my debutante ball. I was around 16 when I was introduced as an official member of my family. All those years leading up to such a big event were spent on etiquette classes and other small tasks that would help me run the dukedom. Yet even though I had the knowledge of what I was supposed to act like, I couldn’t help but find myself to just sit and talk with the few people I knew. I was closed off to those who didn’t know me personally, and only exchanged a simple “hello.” 

I was addressed and introduced to many people with power, and people with influence. The ones that I have connections with would benefit not only me, but my family as well. Nobody really cared to make friends with others. All it really was people making connections with others to climb the high social ladder. It was then I met the viscountess. At the time, she wore something simple that fit herself rather suitably, a flowy light blue dress with white accents that complimented her features. She was the one who started the conversation, starting with the usual hello and stating her name. 

“It’s wonderful to be in your presence, Duchess, I am Viscountess Hagan. You don’t really seem like the person to go meet new people, do you?” Her voice was gentle and patient. She wouldn’t leave until she got an answer. Like a leech, she never left my side. Loyalty or annoyance, I would never figure out what I felt that night. In the end I gave in and spoke to her. 

“Your family owns the mines that run along the south, correct?” I led her to a table up upon the second floor of the hall. We sat across from each other. Fresh tea sat in porcelain tea cups. Chatter came from everyone upon the banquet hall.

“That’s correct my lady. You’re very well versed in such things despite this being our first encounter.” She smiled at me. It seemed such a simple thing such as knowing where one comes from, which seemed to be a feat that requires to be praised. “My family owns the mines that run along the south border. Most jewels made for the imperial family are mined there, such as the diamond encrusted in the queen’s ring.” She continued on to speak on how the mines were founded and how successful they were because of their clients.

Every single thing her family owned, she spoke as if they weren’t going to be under her name and responsibility when she came of age. She was very humble when it came to talking about things her and her family owned. It’s not common to see people who aren’t looking to boast about their belongings and family name.

“My family had worked hard to find such jewels, jewels that would be of value on the market. I witnessed so many things as a child, the hard work that they have gone through.” She spoke gently. She was observational. Things that would normally be missed by other people, caught her attention specifically. It showed itself to be rather interesting when it came to conversations. She was a rather interesting person. Someone who could be of use when it came to learning about this cut throat society. 

“Oh my, I keep rambling on and on about my family, I’m sure you’re already tired of it all. Do you have anything that you’d like to ask My Lady?” I would be lying if I said if I wasn’t surprised by the question. I wasn’t used to being asked my opinions or views on things let alone being able to get center stage in the conversation. It was a refreshing feeling to see. 

“No you’re alright. I found myself quite invested in your views. You seem like an interesting person to converse with. Listening to you, I’ve heard things from a different view.” She seemed comforted by the thought. While Hagan spoke to me about things I normally wouldn’t think twice about, I listened closely to her words, like a child listening to a story from their mother. 

After our conversation, I let myself retire from our conversation to introduce myself to other people. The party seemed pretty boring after that. People didn’t peak my interest like she did. There were few that were memorable when it came to learning names and titles but other than that, they all seemed like normal noblemen and ladies. They all gave me the same question or something along the lines of it. It was always “I have some use to you, just as you have some use to me.” That was the hidden rule in this society. Use people or you find yourself in the lowest places possible. Many hoped to change such a rule, of course, with no avail.

My thoughts concluded with a gentle end. The Viscountess walked over to me and gave me a small wrapped box. “I thought it’d be best to give you as we haven’t seemed to be able to communicate for a good while after your official debut.” I accepted the gift with a smile. I opened the neatly wrapped box, it was a hair piece, a red jewel encrusted into a hairpin. 

“It’s truly beautiful. I appreciate this gift with all my heart.” I put the hairpin on and smiled gently. Hagan looked toward me with a face I could only describe as admiration.

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-----> Author's note: Writing this after so much time during writer's block makes me feel so refreshed! I hope this story is at least okay-ish... LMFAO