My thoughts atm as well as my archivist's fear of loss

The last couple of days have been stressful. For those that don't know, Hi, I am Moth Wan. I run a narrative hypersigil mostly over the internet, you can find it's domain at https://violetyggdrasil.link. For a long while I had used Guilded as a third IRC style platform, besides my GF's Irc server, and Big Bad Discord. But recently they underwent a bit of drama regarding forcing everyone to use roblox's sign in, which I still intended on keeping it despite the community backlash on guilded's server. But the situation was causing me a slight bit of stress, combined with the already transitory and stressful nature of my life right now. I pinged a staff member and told them "I am going to kill myself and send you my hand". Now I said it in the heat of the moment, and once I had calmed down I was banned off their main server, which I was ok with. But when I checked my account the next day they had purged everything related to me before I was able to at least archive it all. No warning, no nothing, just gone. I tried to just shrug it off at first, but there was stuff I was actively archiving on my server there, stuff like life events, old school internet videos, spells, rituals, and art I hadn't uploaded anywhere else. I might still have everything everywhere else, but from now on I am following the old rule of 3 backups. It hurts because it turns out I am attached to community lore, and note taking. Archives and whatnot. The very idea of lost media drives me insane, more insane than I already am. Ntm around the same time I got a bullshit discord report for "Harassment and Bullying" which is leading me to lay low on discord for a while because the community server for the hypersigil is the most active joint I have in cyberspace and losing it..... I would survive but I would also suffer several panic attacks. I know loss is an inevitable thing, in dreamspace, in meatspace, and especially in cyberspace. But it still hurts everytime it happens. Spacehey however has been taking my mind off the bad for a bit. The roots of cyberspace are as comfy as ever.

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