June tenth, 2024

I wanna put this out there as somewhere to document my feelings and kinda get this off my chest. I know I use my blog a lot, but I like being able to go back and look at the things I say! That being said, I had a weird day.

Today was my first long shift at my work. I'm a chaperone at a daycare in my city. It's been weird. It really has been just... odd. My day started relatively mundane. I was told I would be leading an activity, which was no big deal. I had two team capture the flag planned anyways, so that was good with me. It was a little rough being one chaperone controlling around thirty kids, but the kids had a good time, so I call it a win. After that was kinda a blur. I found a dead baby bird on the sidewalk, which happens now and then. There are lots of nests around campus, and it's hard to see death sometimes, but there's so many nests you're bound to find a dead baby bird here and there. 

So end of the day, I'm running two of the last five kids to the restroom, and we're heading back up to the playground, and one of the kids runs up ahead, and I'm staying back walking at a casual pace with a younger one. The kid that goes ahead sees the bird and stares at it for a minute, before running off to the playground, and to make sure the little boy I'm with doesn't see it, I say "Hey [Kid], race you to that tree over there, yeah?" and we both ran over to the tree. He didn't even notice it, which I'm happy about. 

So the last five becomes two, and before we even start to pack up our little group to go inside (Me, coworker, two kids), I just take a minute and stare at the setting sun. It's not setting setting, but it's lower in the sky, which has turned a pale yellow. And i'm resting my arms on the fence between the playground and the baseball field, and I just take a minute to soak it all in. The way the sun reflected on every single blade of grass, making it look like the grass was sprinkled with gold. The trees surrounding the large property giving a gently secluded feeling. The mild burning sensation on my arms from the hot metal of the chain link fence, and the subtle warmth of the sun on my skin. I felt so small.

I'm gonna be honest, it hit me really hard. As I left for the day and my mom picked me up, I started tearing up as I talked to her about it and described it all. I told her that I would do anything to go back and experience it again, but I think that the fleeting nature of the moment is part of what made it so special. I think the dead bird kind of aided that feeling. 

Nothing lasts forever and some things don't last at all.