life update: identity crisis, annoying friends, etc...

summer break started last month for me and is going to start for all the little kids in my neighborhood tomorrow. i was supposed to be doing literally anything by now: volunteering, working... but i'm still sitting in my room doing nothing. 

anyway, i've been having a bit of an identity crisis for a long time now. my whole "aesthetic" revolves around y2k. i love love love anything and everything 2000s, particularly the mcbling/girly aspects of the time. the problem is im 20 years old now and idk how long im "allowed" to uphold this style. every time i think about buying something, I think to myself, am I going to wear this when im like 25? i know I should stay true to myself and money comes and goes anyway but it's a legit thought I have whenever I wanna buy something that's kind of turning into a fear of mine almost.

i met with my hometown best friend yesterday. we went to the park around the corner from my house and sat on a blanket outside reading and talking. one thing i've realized that has become one of my pet peeves is when my friend, especially one whose super close, is talking about their other friends to me. especially when they go on and on... its like... we're together right now so shouldn't we talk about us? but at the same time, they're just talking about their lives and updating me on what they've been through. BUTT in the context of my best friend, she was talking to me about her other 2 best friends who live near us and all of the fun things they do. i admit i do get a bit jealous when she talks about them because she's never invited me to do anything with them like party and stuff, but at the same time why does half of our conversation have to be her reminiscing over times with her other best friends?! i got so annoyed in that moment and i just wanted to go home, but of course that would rude i guess. so i just sat there listening and fake laughing which was truly painful.