Cherub’s Diary #1

I deleted Twitter off my phone yesterday. To most people that would sound like something I should have done a long time ago, but for the most part I was able to avoid the icky toxic stuff that the site is known for. 

Ever since I made the account in 2017, the only thing I ever really saw on my time was cute art, doll customs and general anime nonsense. I even found a niche community to spend time. The original English light novel community—basically a group of anime nerds who like to write and draw talking about their stories and OCs. It was nice making friends with people in that side of the internet there wasn’t really any drama or toxicity—none that I saw anyway. Though my enjoyment of that space was slowly poisoned by my emotionally abusive ex—but thats a story for another day—or never. 

Anyway, after that relationship ended my timeline slowly shifted from art and doll customs to vtubers. 

I never really followed independent vtubers—I admire and appreciate the hard work they do and I’ll watch a ShyLilly clip when I see one, but I’ve always liked the polish of corporate vtubers. They also tend to rely less on sexual humour than a lot of indies which I appreciate. 

When I finally become a vtuber myself I dreamed of joining an agency myself—there’s really only one I have my heart set one. The rest I’m happy enjoying only as a fan. But as they say to climb a ladder you must first start at the bottom and so I ended up in the indie vtuber community.

It’s not great, but it’s not super awful either. I’ve even met some rather sweet people in there. The only thing that really compelled me to leave was because of a single person who I came to know even before I became a vtuber. 

The lore of this person runs deep—honestly I could write a whole novel on the insane things they did to me and others—maybe I will—I’d change names. Again that’s a story for another day—or never—we’ll see how I feel. 

Anyway this person is a vtuber too, and they’ve managed to become somewhat well liked in the indie space. Which made me really uncomfortable, I couldn’t even interact with people who happened to follow them which out mysteriously getting blocked after nothing but positive interactions—what an odd mystery.

After months of feeling anxious and worrying about who’s safe to talk to and who’s not. I decided I’d just disengage. I was never interested in indie vtubers to begin with, I’ve found a few hidden gems but having someone like that in the community kinda sullied it for me. So I basically left. 

I don’t think I’m really losing anything. I’ve more or less already found all the people I think are worth talking to. And collaboration streams aren’t the ticket to growth that everyone seems to think they are in fact collab streams always do worse for me. I’d rather make friends naturally and hang out without having to stream. 

It’s only been a day and I already feel a lot better I suppose that’s all I needed to do to find some peace.