WHAT THE FUCK??

<<warning i go into detail about some violence and physical abuse>>

so my mom asked me if I wanted to come in her room and smoke with her and of course, I said yes. i don't really like being around her at all tbh, I only go in and kick it for the weed. i know what you're gonna say, call me shitty and a leech or whatever. idgaf. this woman has put me through so much hell in my life that the least I could do for her is use her for weed. you have no idea.

so I went in and we started smoking. things were normal, we were talking and laughing and joking n smoking as normal people should do. I was telling her about the aquarium me and my boyfriend went to today and she cuts me off to try to show me this video of this kid literally getting brutally fucking beaten at a gas station. i said. "WTF? ion wanna see no video of nobody getting their ass beat. why would u show me that? why is Instagram even showing u that? if any social media tried to show that to me id have it blocked."

and she literally has the straightest of faces. hell, when she was watching the videos, I kid you not she liked it yall. she replayed it. that boy in that video looked so young. that's someone's son, grandson, coworker, friend, lover. i couldn't imagine having a video of me like that out online, led alone record it and post it. YOURE A FREAAAKK!! . and to see that and try to show that to someone else? your daughter of all people? sick behavior. SICK. gtfo, you won't plague my mind with your delusions. i had an overwhelming day and all I wanted to do was smoke some pot, and here she goes. she says "this world is crazy now. it just pops up on my feed and I see it."

girl please. i know social media only shows u what it wants to show u to keep u on the app as long as possible by any means necessary. if u show it u like it by rewatching it and taking about it it knows. u cant tell me that shit was just by chance and u got 2 violent videos back to back, and  even then her response was still not normal for a human. the blank stare and how she was watching it to. like it was a spectacle to be seen or a sight to behold. and then trying to show it to someone else is nuts. NUTS. stay away from me psycho.  humans don't need to see that shit. wtf was that for? i mean- how was I supposed to process that? was that an unspoken attack? what did it mean?

I'm thinking all this and then right after that first video she scrolls and its a video of some guy getting his teeth shot out of his mouth because he's playing with a gun and showing it off for the camera. wanna know how I know? BECAUSE SHES DESCRIBING IT TO ME THEN AND THERE. LITERALLY. SEE WHAT I MEAN?  IT WAS A THREAT IN SOME WAY!!!!

before she started running her mouth about the second video, while shes watching it I shit you not she sat there and made these noises like shes watching a car crash. like you're just seeing a kid fall off his bike, not some guy getting his face blown off.  AND THENN she goes "that's what you fucking get" to him. a stranger.  A STRANGER YALL!!!! MADNESS!!! 

LEGIT 

DEADASS

FOR FUCKING REAL

IM NOT KIDDING

WTFFF????

i am not weak for saying that's FUCKED UP and archaic. absolutely barbaric if u ask me. i am asking everything I can for advice. my boyfriend, Instagram AI, crisis hotline, my PTSD support group. i am not sure on a decision. i feel like she is indirectly saying "this could be you." and for a moment I wasn't sure if I was in the right to feel distressed or upset. but, after writing this, I've come to the conclusion that I was so in the right my middle name might as well of been bingo. to hell with that shit. ion care if I'm in the right or wrong. that shit is WEIRD no matter what. that is a human being, no matter what the context was. playing with a gun or not. someone is left horribly disfigured from a stupid decision in a split second and they're a complete stranger. they could have been mentally ill. we as humans need to have some empathy and compassion for that. not just sit behind a screen and say these absurd things. he could have bled out and died after that video. who knows? that's someone's son or brother. 

maybe it wasn't a threat but its still damn concerning, my mother has NPD so she doesn't really think about others feelings at all really. i cant put her past something like that, killing me or him because she has major delusions and jealousy issues. she has openly threated to smash my face into the concrete when I was 14 in front of my BFF. she also has had a long streak of physical abuse that she is proud of and openly brags about. being more than happy to beat me in the face at the drop of a hat as a child. I'm not tryna trauma dump on nobody. i wanted to ask yall what would yall think about a situation like this? what would yall do? I'm sure a lot of u would say "move out" which is an absolute banger of a response because its so true. I'm stuck with her for now though. have yall run into people like this in your life?

 ttyl <3