I want to create, but..

I want to create, but my thoughts crush and consume me, 

I just want to do art, but I ruin my memories, I ruined everything,

Why can't God, or whatever, just end me, 

But I guess that doesn't matter, I'm just edgy, immature, it's my fault, no one else's

Still, I feel betrayed, no one was there for me, a child, corrupted by the things I've seen online, why was no one there, cause they didn't know? More like they didn't care.

Some way, some how, I will get my revenge, for my life, my childhood that was stolen away.