lollir0t's profile picture

Published by

published
updated

Category: Life

he deserves this one

i know, i know, its been a while since i give this blog a new entry BUT !! I am fully convinced this one guy deserves a place in my blog (and he's not andy biersack !)... 

so, i met this one boy in kindergarten, we were like 2 or 3 and we became lil best friends, but I had to move to another neighborhood and left him there. By that time we were friends our moms became friends too (thats really important to the story), and as they say, he cried a lot when I moved away. 

2010, restarted my life in another neighborhood, another school whatever whatever... the time passes and I almost completely forget abt him until 5th grade, 2017. 

*HERE'S AN IMPORTANT INFO 4 THE STORY: Here in Brazil we have Military School, that go from the 6th grade to 12th, it's really hard to get in one since we need to pass a test to get in. And I currently am in a military school.

2017, I enter in a preparatory course for the military school, there I meet a boy who I find not just pretty, but slightly familiar. 2nd week of course this boy approaches me and asks me: "did you go to (whatever kindergarten) ? " And I that I did (bc I did, duh) and he tells me he is Pedro, from there and something just clicked yk. He was the smartest guy in the course (no shit he was 1st place in the test), I was a medium girl, as always. He passes the test and I don't, we mismatch again.

2019, I find a spot for me in the school and obviously, who do I find there? HIM, OBVIOUSLY !! And that year I really became REALLY interested in him, but nothing really happened since I am a fucking potato when it comes to social interactions. 

2020, I change the bus that took me home (bc of bullying) and it was coincidentally also his bus! Then things started to get... interesting...

i befriended that one girl who was such a liar and fake, one day I told her about my crush on him and how I believed it was destiny and guess what? She told my secret to a boy whos a total gossiper! Who told the guy I liked that I liked him. Also when I told my best friend at that time about him she also posted on tiktok a vid exposing me and tagged him...

But yeah, bus ppl tried the hardest to get us together until one day him and his best friend decided to do a Geometry Dash competition which who winned would kiss me (oh im blushing rn). HE WON, I was the luckiest girl ever until I wasn't, when it was about to happen, the bus inspector came to us to tell us we couldn't do that yadda yadda yadda (3 years later I will find out the gossiper was the one who told inspector to go there!! because he liked me, but it was worthless since I never liked him back, not even as a friend!) ...

We were in the same class in 2022, but even with parties and shit we never happened, we barely had any conversation really (I started focusing in one girl there who also never got with me either). 

Every year the memories come back and I just yearn, I cant do anything, right? WRONG

As I said earlier, our moms are friends, and esp this year, they are doind cupid's work, but it's NOT WORKING, always something goes wrong and ugh, I'm having PHYSICAL PAIN in my stomach from this, is too much for me

Everyday this question comes to my head:

Does he still like me back?

Yesterday we were in a Festa Junina , it was end of party, me, my mom, his mom, another mom and his friends were gathering our things and talking to each other when one of his friends speaks about some G girl he had something, my heart SHATTERED, I'm so so sick in teh stomach since then I can't explain, it's just frustrating to see how I'm not doing anything while getting behind, as always.

UPDATE!! (25/06/2025) :

A LOT happened since I posted this... nothing really good but wtvr.

Other festa junina happens, we take our picture to compare to the old one from 2009/10 and we leave it at only that 4 a while. (Also had 2 dates with another boy that month but nothin really exiting abt it)

SEPTEMBER: It's september 7, independence day, me & mom take a ride from his mother, an other friend was suposed to go with us (as I suposed, in the back seat...) but he change his mind and is just us, but nothing good can ever happen to me, right? HE GOES TO THE FRONT SEAT!! BUT he clearly seemed really nervous (what else would make a extrovert go mute?) and picky with his playlist (also played my fav band). September 9, picture day, I see him talking to a girl I know and by my senses it didn't seem like a just friends typa thing...

DECEMBER (aka 2024 hell): Late senior year, a lot of school thingys to just pass the time, but also college entrance exam era. December 2nd, I'm really afraid of going into my school conversation circle before the exam but I go anyway, he wishes me luck TWICE SAYING MY NAME (4 me its a big thing ok). December 3rd (why would you ever kiss meeee), school game szn, see him again talking veeery closely to that girl (lets name her MT), obvs I cried a lot and had a whole life rethinking. December 6, a looot of things, last day of school. Sat on teh bleachers to cheer 4 my team and by the time my friend leaves me alone he starts to slowly sit closer and closer to me, I panick and but my bag btween us... ltr me & my friend are eating, I see him an accidentally trip and fall to the ground, he giggled at me when he passed through us.

DECEMBER TWENTY TWO, aka worst day of the year, aka PROM. Me, my mom, my aunt and HIS MOM, did hair and makeup in his cousin studio and I was feeling confident that was going to b MY day (spoiler: it absolutely wasn't). Spent the party dancing and kinda following him, until the funk part of the dj set, when he was DANCING WITH THE MT GIRL, like really closely, REEEALY close, I broke down crying, my therapist cousin gave me some advice abt social anxiety and helped me try toget his attention (by her feedback, I did, but he was trying to b slick). By the end of the party his family get on the dancfloor e start SHAVING his hair (its a tradition when ppl enter hard courses in great unis) bc he was approved for med school and my cousin is an angel, so she asked his mom if I could also shave his hair AND I DID.

Couldn't have HIM he lost HIS HAIR lololol :P



0 Kudos

Comments

Displaying 0 of 0 comments ( View all | Add Comment )