SH(WARNING don't enter if it triggers you)!

My mother saw my burns tday(I don't cut with blades, I burn myself, with spray), and she asked me if it was because of the fights at home, I think it's not just because of the fights, there are many things behind it, honestly I don't know why i burned, I just did it, Why did I do this? I keep touching the blisters that formed due to the burns too, the pain is a bit strange, I don't know how to explain it but it's not PAIN, not that I feel pleasure in pain, I like to poke, I'll have about 5 bubbles, and the rest will be marked, She said that if people at school saw it they would call the child protection council, she said she wants to put me in a psychologist, I don't know what I'm going to tell him, and if he tells my mother I said to him? How will I explain what I feel? I don't even know what I feel, what I want, what's happening to me. The psychologist needs a psychologist, I never felt like I needed one.