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more pathetic blog on the subject of blogging
i havent texted or met up with my boyfriend in 3 months
well, maybe i should say ex-boyfriend
since we broke up on telepathic terms
ive only told one of my friends about it
so i think most of them think we're still dating
but i stopped talking to HIS friends, so i dont know what HE told THEM
everything?
or probably nothing,
cause nothing happened between us
and i think thats why it all happened
we were falling off for a while before the breakup anyway
and this wasnt some measly online relationship for yew degenerate fellers discretion
for a period of time, i really thought it'd be him ~forever~
for almost four years
and then i moved away to get educated but it was fine
i still saw him every now and then and we called everyday
and then HE got busier
and then i got really insane over it because why arent you TALKING TO ME
i ignored everyone just because i had him
we never had any arguments
there was no antagonism between us
emotional
political
chemical
so hwen i told him i was upset he wasnt talking to me he was sooo apologetic
and like promised to not let it happen again
and we met up a few times after that
but it never really was the same
at first. i was like
what the heck is wrong with him
but im sure he was thinking the same things
even before the silence for a few weeks something was rlly off
we still talked like normal, but he was like
i miss the old you
and
youve changed
and it kinda pissed me off but i didnt say anything about it
i could never get mad at him
i'd get annoyed in theory but everytime i heard his voice itd already be over
gross, i know
well, even after his apology
he only kept it up for a few more weeks
and then it was back to zero
i think after all that i just stopped caring about him
i have this weird complex, where if
someone im used to spending all my time with strays away
i cant stay attached to them
i will forget everything good about them and might even start resenting them
it sounds bad, right?
it sounds like i never loved him at all
i dont even know if i did
if someone could tell me exactly what love is
i might be able to give you an answer
well anyway this blog was super gross and icky
so im gonna go delete my account now
bye
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Archer27
You were seeing this guy for 4 years but as soon as some distance comes between you two the relationship falls apart? What? People come and go, I get that, but I feel like if you have found someone you "truly love", soul for soul, twin flame, whatever, then nothing can truly come between that. Not time or even a divorce can come between that innate connection.
At any rate, you two probably didn't love each other as much as you thought you did. True love and lasting companionship is more than mutual pleasure, but an everlasting appreciation of another soul. It seems for you that distance and time have separated the wheat from the chaff. Good you learned this lesson while you're still young.
sorry, i guess the given description of my relationship was really vague because i didn't want to get too deep into it on a spacehey blog that was just meant to be me btching to myself without thinking anyone would read it, but i really want to respond to this comment for some reason. i wrote this dumb blog while i was questioning everything, but reading your message and just thinking that maybe i actually never loved him kind of made me spiral. i genuinely don't believe it was a superficial relationship. it wasn't based on 'mutual pleasure', as you call it, but it wasn't exactly the same dynamic most couples possessed either. we both helped each other through a lot—things most relationships probably couldn't handle. that's always been something we kept uniform for all that time, and it only got better as we got older, but i think the problems between us only started with that 'some distance', which i felt really .. broke things? mind you, it's been over a year of distance—almost two. i got 10x busier, he got 10x busier, but things were still normal at first, and then he was having some personal issues and it was really difficult for me to be there for him every time, especially when i barely had time for the real situations in front of me. it didn't help that it had gotten pretty intense during the last year, his mental health deteriorated a lot, in a way that actually made me wonder how long it had been happening before i became aware of the situation. there was a painful period of standstill where neither of us was actually upset at the other, but we just submitted to the circumstances. it was honestly hard for us both to see where our relationship was going. after that, though, it was really my fault why things were over, since i can't even deny anymore that the lack of attention made him resent me, and by the time he got his game back up, he didn't have the time for me. he never outright said he harbored any kind of resentment for me, but i felt like some part of our relationship had become so strained over the past few months, and he didn't even need to make another sly comment about how much i'd changed for me to tell that he was upset at me and trying not to show it. i just wish we hadn't gone to such lengths over an obstacle like that, because he clearly did care, and if he could've just asked me to do right by us next time then we could've moved on. i dont really have anything to look forward to anymore beyond the small meaningless goals that keep my head above water. whenever we stopped talking, i'd always feel this numb, not because i didn't have anything else to do but because he was the only thing that mattered to me. even more stupidly, we discussed breaking up multiple times while we were falling out, cause we couldnt see the solution andfelt like it was the only direction we were headed in. its so dumb and now i keep thinking of him but i literally cant type out a message without wanting to bash my head into a wall.
TLDR: sʎʞ
by 雪白; ; Report
Well, if you ever somehow got back together and learned to appreciate each other again, you could come out of this with a relationship stronger than ever. A bit of distance can help people confront how "certain" they are about each other, and really decide if they want the relationship to go to the next level. Otherwise, the relationship falls apart, people move on, and the cycle continues.
I get it. The only reason I'm back on Spacehey is bcuz my gf left me for some tranny at their college. I don't know how applicable this is to YOUR situation, but something that helps me cope is that: If I'm destined to spend a whole lifetime with this person, then this period of breakup won't even be a blip in the grand scheme of it all. If someone leaves you, dates other people, but then finally returns to you... how much greater their appreciation must be! How can one know something is the best if they have not seen the other options?
by Archer27; ; Report
:)
by 雪白; ; Report