im back!!!

this is a huge rant and life update!!!

i havent opened spacehey in so long, like my last entry was from november.. so um.. not skibidi

im not really sure what to say tbh, the person i went to the fnaf movie with changed and now we arent friends anymore. I have completely new friends, im barely keeping the old ones. tbh im really letting myself go and im just starting to care less about relationships, romantic, sexual or platonic. i developed an ed over that time so um... #sigma

anyways my cat still isnt dead?? shes 19 (how is she still alive and well im confused god pls) i moved on from my ex completely and recently hung out with him, i was so happy to finally see him again since we havent really been keeping in touch  

my last "situationship" or whatever you wanna call it was so bad i actually cant believe i put myself through that </3 im not gonna go into detail but in short, everything i thought was romantic wasn't and was a joke the whole time, for the whole year i know the person. They state they didn't do anything but i feel unjustified as i truly did think they liked me and didn't think that the things we did were purely platonic. I'm over them now and honestly couldn't care less what goes on in his life. he has his new boyfriend and i have mine (sort of, ill get into that) Although i moved on, they did not i dont believe. I can not fully move on until they do to. I still get stares from their table and the people there always speak and laugh, they act like i cant see them.

there is a certain person in particular who seems to have some grunge against me, although ive never really spoken to them in a one on one conversation or outside of the original group. They stare at me whenever they see me and its kind of annoying, i wish they could just move on. tbh it might be from something that happened that wasn't really MY fault or sm.

after leaving my "situationship" (idk what to call it lmao) i met somebody new. He is the most wonderful person ive ever met and he treats me so good <3 love him anyways this person from the paragraph before seemed to have a thing for him maybe, thats what ive heard from some people, anyways the way this guy (silly guy, not mean one) got into contact with me was through them and apparently they had some crush on my boyfriend thing and after we got close and then left my only friend group behind this guy didn't have contact with my friend thingy. idk if i explained that good but like whatever?? thats what i got. idk why else he would hate me

me and thingy got closer and he broke up with girlfriend of the time and we got closer. over the course of 3 months we got closer, we hung out almost every week once or twice and it was good. but not great

he was still broken up from his last relationship and others before and wasn't ready for a committed relationship, which i said was fine, since i could wait for him to be ready. it moved a little bit too fast for him eventually and he decided that it got too far and said that he wasnt good enough for me and needed to better himself for me. on june 3rd he messaged me in the middle of my english class while i was supposed to do a presentation and had to reschedule due to stress. He stated that he just couldnt do it anymore and needed a break. im scared for the future, but he promised me he would come back and he would be there for me always even now

we are continuing to stay friends and refraining from any sexual or romantic actions and purely hanging out and talking to eachother as friends. he says this will help in the long run, and i know that after all of the relationships and things ive been through i should stop trusting but i really do trust him and i do trust that he will come back and we can finally live like a normal couple and not just a really fucked up angsty 2018 slowburn fanfiction. Ive never cried harder in my whole live

As of now i am stressed out about a presentation i have to do for english but its mostly slipped from my mind. we scheduled to hang out on thursday, which is technically today but not really because its 1:30 AM so it doesnt really count. Im so nervous. we arent gonna stay at the house because i dont know how to hang out peoples houses as friends, its so awkward. we are gonna go to the comic store, im scared its gonna act like a date rather than a hang out.

im scared that hes gonna decide the friendship is too much too and leave me completely

i still love him and im willing to wait but i really dont know how long i can without absolutely losing my shit and tweaking the fuck out

anyways i have 2 online friends now, i love them, they r my hoes. They r both Canadian but live in different provinces from me :( my province sucks anyways, idk why anybody would willingly wanna stay here unless they have to (alberta) 

i also have a new friend, they are very nice, but this fat hoe that follows them around bc they dont have any other friends is annoying as hell and actually makes me wanna punch them. idc about ur stupid scoliosis or adhd ur just pathetic. 

massive rant

No because i need to rant about this. They have adhd, which is a thing a lot of people have and i know many people with it but they use their learning disorder as a way to get out of doing things. not that they procrastinate, its that they get away with fucking everything. They refuse to take their meds, and then complain about forgetting to do it. My friend has offered them ideas to help them to take their meds such as putting them with their toothbrush or setting a reminder on his phone and declines all of them and continues to not take them. At this point hes just not taking them on purpose. He has access to help and is just blatantly refusing to take it. He gets away with everything because of his adhd, like he just refuses to do projects or anything and pushes the date literally months away from the due date and teachers dont have a choice but to accept because he will just complain to the school about it anythings. adhd is something that effects productivity but like i said, he has help, he just doesnt want it and now his lack of productivity is completely on him. not even him getting away with everything but hes the biggest snow flake ive ever met in my entire life. Ive never met a bigger pussy. He calls me and my friend chronically online when he dated somebody on discord for 2 years and 2 weeks after they broke up he got a new boyfriend. He is the most unfunny person ive ever met and is a complete smart ass. everything i say he just has to contradict, he just has to prove me wrong, even if im not even stating something im genuinely serious about. i said something like "this assignment is dumb, all of the questions are basically the same" and he said that it was meant to be that way, im not fucking dumb, i know its supposed to be that way, im saying its stupid that it is that way. He just eggs it on and just has to right about everything and almost everytime i prove him wrong and he goes quiet and messages his stupid fake ass boyfriend. and he calls me chronically online, hes not his phone 96% of the time im around him. like okay chronically online my ass fucking bitch. he also has this thing where he will just self diagnose himself with anything, or even other people. He said his cat had schizophrenia?? he was like "i think my cat is schizophrenic" and went on to say things that anything normal cat does, such as stare at walls or meow at nothing. all cats do that hoe. anyways he self diagnosed himself with dyslexia, which is the stupidest thing ive ever heard because hes done no research on it he just sucks at reading. he went so far with it that he made my friend read out the novel we did for class. He can read, and he can read good. very good actually and very fast. today he had to read a paper my friend wrote and it took me 3 times as long to read it. Theres a kid in my class that literally cant read and for that novel he listened to audiobooks for it and really did try to get the work done. He also has adhd yet this kid that is basically illiterate can do more than this actually walking tub of lard. He also self diagnosed himself with autism, even though he has gotten an evaluation and he was proven to not be autistic, yet he still says he is and still believes he is because his doctor was old and didnt wanna tell him??? what does that even mean, they legally have to bro shut your ass up. i hate this person so much. i rarely ever truly hate somebody but i hate this person. this isnt even all of it. they r so annoying like oml. I like to eat lunch with my friend but this hoe is always there. every time. like omg go away. anyways i hate eating with him because worst of all, he shames me for my eating disorder. I myself struggle to eat and find it hard to eat things with large calories or i get uncomfortable and like theres a physical weight that weighs me down from eating. at lunch i track my calories to make the weight go away and allow myself to eat healthy and be more content with what im eating. He says that i shouldn't be tracking my calories because im skinny. he says "i am fat and i dont track my calories so you definitely shouldnt" um maybe u should and maybe u wouldnt have a bmi of 300. I understand that it must be upsetting to see a person who is underweight track their calories as an overweight person, but i have an ed and honestly it shouldnt be okay in any circumstance actually. idec if its upsetting, a person who is tracking their calories obviously has a reason and usually this is to coop with something or to just be healthier. and everytime i eat we have the same conversation, everytime. like yes i know im underweight and have a decent metabolism but that doesnt mean u can shame me for not eating enough. He says to eat more, which i understand, but i am trying and its not as simple as just eating more. hes such a dick too. i was upset about something, like sobbing and said i was a snowflake, like okay u fucking hypocrite (more like hippo-crite), dont act like you didnt cry over a fucking online discord relationship for like a week, like i literally just got broken up with and ur saying that. i was literally over it in 3 days like um okay i didnt know you were a fucking pussy bitch with no balls. also today he got mad at me for being flat??? like waht??? girl bye. i know im flat, im an A28, and i complained about it and he was like "okay well at least i dont have back pain" i do have back pain..... just not from my chest. i was in 2 seperate accidents that have caused a lot of damage to my back and ribs and i cant actually stand for too long or i have to move my rib back into its place or i cant breath. I do have back pain, you cant just assume something about somebody just because of that. hes such a a hypocrite like its not like ur tits gave u scoliosis you whore. Hes trans and so am i so he says im lucky to be flat because i dont have to bind, but tbh hes overweight his tits just blend into his fat so he really doesnt have to bind if he doesnt want to. also hes just weird as hell. he like hasbin hotel and says IM overly sexual... girl ur favorite show is basically a massive orgy or curses and bad overused sex jokes. like if im "sexual" its a joke, just cuz i said "suck my nuts" doesnt mean i want u to? i dont even have balls, im trans??? also he just says weird shit, and thinks its funny, ive genuinely never found him funny ever, i pride myself in my ability to make people genuinely laugh, but hes so weird.. he was telling us about something his boyfriend said he was like "my boyfriend got banned because he said he was gonna burn down a nursery" thats not funny at all, its giving 2020 humor, please put down ur boyfriend. he then said "its just the Russian in him" um girl, ive never cringed so hard. before i was friends with my friend and they were both friends but not really, he just hung around her, he sniffed he head and said "mmm you smell gay" ive never felt more embarrassed for somebody in my life, not him, idc about him, but my friend and myself for having to in the general area of the person that said that. the only thing that could make him even less cringe would be to try to do "perfectly cut screams" irl... he fucking does. he will go "FUC-" irl like he will literally just go "fuck" and cut it off for no reason at all and we just stare at him in silence, like wow what a knee slapper, im literally rolling around sobbing with laughter rn ._. anyways thats not even all of it...

nothing else has really happened lately tbh

im excited to see hangout with my not anymore boyfriend thing :3

im gonna post some art dumps also in a bit, hopefully i dont forget about this website agian

also new pfp!!!!