The concept of a “best friend forever”

It seems that I’ve spent almost all my life trying to find the “one”. I remember a 6 year old me in kindergarten arguing with a classmate over who got to be this girl’s best friend. I don’t even know why I wanted her to be my best friend so bad, I just did. A whole decade later and I have no idea where she is now, it makes me wonder if we could be good friends today if we were to see each other again. I wonder what she’s like now or what she even looks like. It’s all a mystery to me.

Once I got into primary school I started befriending whoever was in my class, nobody was my “best friend” exactly but I didn’t feel lonely either, maybe not a whole lot anyway. 

It was in secondary school that I realised how much a close friend would matter to me. Around 2021-2022 I thought I had that for a while. I remember thinking to myself how lucky I was to be friends with such a cool and amazing person, she was like someone I would’ve made up in my mind. Unfortunately this didn’t last as long, maybe it was for the best. She had better friends and I was just another person in her life, when she let go I held on. I held on to what was no longer there, nothing more than just memories of when she cared for a little while. When she didn’t have much of an option. She wasn’t happy then but she is now and I’m no longer part of her life to see that. 

Now I’m in my bedroom with the curtains open as evening light shines in as I rot on a bed I’ve been sleeping in for the past 6 years. How wonderful it’d be to know that I had a friend who cared, I do have friends but none of them are my “best friends”. They’re schoolmates and nothing more once I leave that school gate.