working out and random shit

used a few machines today with my friend and we did chest and shoulder exercises. my arms have gone limp

it kinda feels good like finally popping a joint or something. she made it seem so easy shes so epic and strong. i hope i get there one day :P but it takes a while. im glad i have someone there to go with me because ive been lacking a lot of motivation recently. summer really fucks up my schedule. i havent been able to wake up at all. i think its probably because i havent been taking my vitamin b complex sups ;( i ran for 10 minutes straight without stopping, i hadnt been to the gym in like 3 weeks but i still managed it. wish i couldve gone longer but then my stomach started to hurt. i dont know why but if i run for more than 40 minutes my left hip seems to almost move out of place. man i really need to get tested for eds. also being with her helps me be less subconscious about my body. it becomes less me being hyper aware of how my body looks and more just enjoying what i was doing. 

i couldnt sleep at all last night. i cant wake up in the morning and i cant sleep at night. i actually got so desperate to go to sleep i read 64 pages of a book thinking it would make me tired. it did not. britney spears the woman in me is a great book. i find it extremely hard to fall asleep without a screen. ive been doing it for so many years its such a hard habit to crack. i hate being able to hear my thoughts. with ocd, bp2, and adhd all at once its fucking impossible to stop the constant noise. listening to something helps a lot. maybe i should try music instead of passing out to jerma. i wish i could feel well rested for once. 

this journal helps me get all my obsessive constant thoughts out, im glad i started. oops now that ive acknowledged it now im never going to use it again!

maybe...

but im glad its here. i doubt anyone is going to read these things but me anyway. im sure people relate to some of the shit i spew tho