Thoughts for today (aka massive fcking rant)

Thought it'd be nice to sort of write out some thoughts I've been having, maybe see if anyone can relate

I haven't touched this website since joining but I was reminded of it and I just adore it's whole vibe and wanna get back into it, so I'm actually thinking about posting my art here!! and maybe even myself :) (when im feeling cool)

There's been a lot of discourse on my main social media platform (insta) because of all the ai stuff and im scared to post but dont want to stop sharing my art. there's a new app called cara a LOT of artists are moving to and i did get it as well but im just getting so many mixed signals and sort of lost now

i want to try ai disturbance like glaze but the web version you need an account for and im not even sure how to get it, and i DO have it downloaded on my pc but the resolution of it makes me unable to even use it :(

i hate ai but i want to and need to share my art as someone who wants to pursue it as a career. i ultimately want to be a tattoo artist but i still such a long ways away from being where id like to be. all i have is a stick and poke that im not practiced in and practically no design practice. 

and ive also just been sort of fighting with my art sometimes. today specifically i was happy with some traditional sketches i had done but when i brought them to digital i wasn't as happy with the finals as id like to be

and theres many reasons for this. one being i know when i take things to digital i tend to rush it because i dont like spending too long on a piece. i know if i didnt do this id have a lot better looking and maybe more detailed pieces

but i also struggle because im not comfortable with my current materials. my pc drawing tablet is one without a screen so i have to look at my laptop while drawing on it and i believe this results in shaky art, HOWEVER i LOVE firealpaca a lot. the program is really simple but offers a lot

and then there's my ipad with procreate and procreate is so hit or miss because i sometimes make decent pieces but then feel like it lacks so much that firealpaca has

i just need a drawing tablet with a screen i think and i really wanna focus on traditional art more than digital

i always have this urge to turn my art digital to make it look "complete" when i can do that through traditional mediums as well

and i love doodling and sketching, it's really fun so that's why i think id prefer completing traditional pieces

i gotta bring the fun back into my art cuz it's just feeling like a chore and so is posting on social media

i might just post anyway even without ai disturbance cuz like whats the point?

as long as people see and enjoy my art and i can enjoy my own art and have fun sharing it, i think i'll just do what i want

i need to do what i want instead of comparing myself and thinking about others

i also was feeling so ugly today cuz my face always breaks out on the right side of my face and it's so ugh. but itll go away eventually... cant wait to go thrifting this thursday so i can continue filling my closet with cool clothes so i can feel cool

i adore you scene, emos, and goths♡♡♡