the power of frieeenndshiiiip

lately i have been thinking a lot about my life and my friends and all that sappy shit. but it rly is important. if i didnt have the friends i have now i wouldnt be alive anymore and if i was i would be so much more miserable. after getting on steady antidepressants and spending more time on my social life i finally dont spend every single second of my life thinking about how much i want to kill myself :3 

im scared tho. these people are some of the only people i think ive ever felt a genuine connection with and i am in my last year of high school. i am well aware that we wont all be able to go to the same unis in the same cities. one of my friends might even be moving to america. im so proud of them all and im so happy that they can all become something bigger and help people and make a living for themselves but god i am so scared of what will happen when we have to part ways. i genuinely dont know what i will do. ofc we have the internet but it will never be the same. i have like a third of a year left before i graduate and i have no fucking idea what i want to do with my life or what im even capable of doing and soon my support wont be by my side anymore. 

i know that logically i should be able to build a happy life but i really really just love my friends so much. they have saved my life more times than i can count without even knowing or trying. they have been the reason i get up in the morning for the past three years and they have helped me thru my attempts and all the other stuff on the long list of Things That Are Wrong With Me, intentional or unintentional. right now they rly are the best part of my life 

i love my friends so much. i smile just by looking at them and i cant even help it. i need to focus on the time i have left with them instead of being anxious about the future. it will be okay bc i have love