Life; June Fourth 2k24, 1:37AM.

This is exhausting. I'll be honest here, this is just gonna be one big vent. I wrote it before but accidentally deleted my text trying to put my blog layout on, so here we go again. Trigger warning for dissociation.

My dissociation has been absolutely awful lately. My life has just been one big blur. It fucking sucks, I can't think, I can't remember. My days blend together, I can't remember if I ate or took my meds. Everything starts to fall apart.

I pretend everything is fine. I live my life like it's a party, but I never slow down. If I slow down, stop to think; everything fucks up. That's what I did. I stopped acting like life was one big party, I stopped dancing, I stopped.

I breathed too slowly, and now I'm back here. I don't remember my name somedays. Do you know how scary that is? Do you know how terrifying it is to wake up and not know who you are?

I do. I live that right now. I'm living that. That's my life the past few days. I have to be awake for hours before I can function. I don't know who I am.

I feel insane. I feel like I'm completely and entirely alone. I don't know what to do here. My therapist says I'm not alone, but god I feel like I am. 

Everything is so quiet, my life is a void. I am barren, no fruit or foliage will grow around me; I kill everything I try and kiss.