old poem from my notes

i am so afraid of growing up.
i'm only sixteen years old, i shouldn't be this scared yet, right?
i should be focusing on just writing in my journal and reading books and watching movies and on the phone while painting my nails that i'll just end up tearing the polish off anyway.
my biggest fear is growing up.
i'm going into 11th grade next year;
one more year of school will be left for me.
everyone around me my age has already figured out for sure what they want to do as soon as they graduate.
i have planned out my future, but what am i going to start doing after school? i won't be able to start my coffee shop right away or get into a band as the guitarist right away either.
sometimes i think about college being a possibility of what i'd like to do after school,
then i think about it more and i'm not so sure that's what i want to do.
will i get married? will i have kids? will i even have the time to be in a band and tour the world some day? will i be able to run a coffee business? will i be an author? will i be okay living alone and driving myself to places on my own? will i be in a house full of my thoughts and constant worries that will cause me to begin these plans when it's too late? will i end up dying alone?
i don't know.
i don't know what i want or what i want to do or will do, but i'm not ready to get older.
i want to stay in my poster covered room, blasting music on the radio and playing video games and reading my books -
not worry about growing up.
i wish i could stay younger, just for a little while longer yet.
all i know as of right now, as i am writing this is that,

i am afraid.