⛧☾༺ 𝐁𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐤. ༻☽⛧

When all that is left is bleak, what do you do with the countless thoughts? With the endless questions left unanswered. I'm not there yet, I'm not yet ready to be held in the arms of an angel just yet, I hope it's not too late for me. She deserves more than I can be. But that's just an excuse, and I don't want to make excuses nor give anymore reasons for things not to work. I don't want to give up on a happy ending that she deserves. A happy ending that she and I dreamt of night after night, the countless talks of a future yet to be written. As time consumes our image, I remind myself of the moments we shared in images I've kept, I'm soon going to be plastering them on my wall once more. A reminder of what I'm here for.

She gave me all of her, her heart, her soul, her love, her family, her joy, her sadness. And I didn't repay her enough, I failed to show her the love that she gave unto me. I pray to the lord above that she finds the time to heal the scars I gave her, to stitch the wounds I inflicted. So that she can be whole again. I don't want to pretend we're nothing when we're something. I've been stuck thinking, stuck in a cycle, in a loop, in pain. I'm tripping.

I'm numb.

I've not pursued anything, anyone. I don't intend on pursuing anything with anyone else. I barely deserve the love I long for so how could I allow anyone else to settle for a soul like mine? It would be unjust, unfair, cruel. I refuse to be cruel. Love been on my mind. Been on my mind a lot, I been feeling a lot of pain but that's what love is. Love is pain. Love is beautiful. Pain is a beautiful thing. Reminds us of who we are, what we are. Human.

Imma sound crazy but it's like a spiritual awakening, a higher plane of thought I feel like I've discovered or unlocked and on this plane of existence things are so different. It's hard to explain, hard to put into words, you just have to get there to understand. Life is beautiful. Mundane is beautiful. I been rejecting the rinse-repeat cycle of my days alone for so long but now I can't help but find myself comforted by the fact that tomorrow will be the same as today, and so on and so forth. No change. No surprises. Mundane.

I'm learning to live.

I hope you can find your wings again.

⛧☾༺♰༻☽⛧