sunday

at first, life felt a lot better today 

just in the general run of things

maybe because i was home alone

and tried new food

and i studied and really progressed (i think –– hope)

i always like to think my joy is never happenstance

that im happy because im changed some way or another

as a person, i mean

but even during those dumb moments, 

i know id be the same to others if i showed them 

this new, all-positive, 24-hr made me 

even if i feel different

and as i realize others assume im the same me i always was

i start acting as the same me i always was

its like bread mindset

made the same day

and expires quicker

because one tiny thing happened

or maybe two

or three

or four

and suddenly im not happy-me again

im sad me again

im crying me again

im hopeless me again

and its the only me there ever is 

when i keep feeling this way

and i dont want to

i want to be happy me

always happy me

people say its unrealistic]

but thats just them, not me

so ill really really try

ill try to make room only for happiness