Welcome to...

I AM SO MOTHERFUCKING BACK. 

That's right, you guys. I'm so back. I know that literally nobody knows who I am anymore, which is a little sad. But regardless. I love SpaceHey and I love having my own little SpaceHey summer antics and I love watching a lot of scary movies and slowly morphing into the best and strangest version of myself before I have to swallow it all back down and go back to private school. 

I am going to be the spookiest kid on the block this summer and no body no ghoul can stop me. Thank you and goodnight. 

Regardless.

I'm really no fun at all, so I've decided to give myself a goal, which I am calling...

That's right, I'm going to try to watch FIFTY FUCKING SCARY MOVIES this summer. I think I can do this. No I can't; I'm literally lying! But I'd like to try. I'd like to finish watching all of the David Cronenberg movies and a bunch more classic slasher films. Also a bunch of Hammer and Universal Horror films. That would be cool. 

So yeah, starting yesterday (5/31/2024, which I am considering the first day of summer), I am currently engaged in the highest-stakes, life-or-death-or-afterlife challenge there ever was: Freakilicious, Fear-Filled Fifty. 

As an individual who is, more often than not, extant in a form that is 1) Freakilicious 2) Fear-Filled, I think I am up to the task. Gonna make my ancestors proud. 

THE MOVIES...

?/50. Film Title (year): (?/10)

Review goes here...

1/50. In a Violent Nature (2024): (2/10)

This movie was not so good. It really went hard for the 1970s slasher thing, and it definitely worked in that regard...like I like the way it was filmed and the way it looked, but JESUS LORD was this thing boring. I was in there with a bottle of soju and a blue raspberry vape and you know I was curled up with my head on the movie seat armrest about to snooze like a babe. There was no music. There was no fun. Although the killing and the effects were really good, and the acting too, I guess. The dialogue was a little stupid. Definitely a good summer movie, and if you like nice, cute, cozy movies to put you to sleep...this one is it. What a delicious vintage fuzz filter.

2/50. The Strangers: Chapter 1 (2024): (6/10)

Okay this is gonna be so embarrassing but I had literally no idea that this was a remake of a different film. Awko! Anyways, this was actually a pretty good movie. Like the suspense was really well done. I was having a jolly good time, was definitely feeling afraid! Which is always fun. They literally Brakebaited me because I SAW Richard Brake in the background in the diner and he didn't even show up later. :( 

3/50. The Watchers (2024): (10/10)

HOOOOOLY MAMA. This was one hell of a FUCKING movie. Directed by Ishana Night Shyamalan, and can I just say she is a lot better than her dad. Wow. This was such a good movie....like it had: body horror, genderfucking, conceptual exploration of what it means to be human, celtic and scandinavian folklore, hand/finger horror, hot people, mad science, twins, gingers, sadism, meta themes, actual horror, suspense, beautiful landscape, beautiful soundtrack, actually well written dialogue and characters overall, feminism, really great aesthetic/artistic sensibility... I know I'm being superlative but I am not an easy customer and this really blew my fucking socks off. Like I know she's a nepo baby but idc she fucking cooked with this one. This was a good, proper 2024 horror movie. Like it also didn't have weird ass like trying to be modern stuff in it. No it was really fucking good. Like conceptually interesting and also very well executed. I am in shock. Go see this film IMMEDIATELY. Like yes women of color yes yes whatever but it's just a really fucking good movie. Holy shit. Wow. idk if this or late night was better but wow. Top movies of 2024. 

4/50. Spider (2002): (7/10)

I...liked this movie! He was a cutie but he was a little crazy. idk it felt like a pretty good examination of trauma and like childhood stuff. A little Freudian if you squint. The acting was really good. Good to cross another Cronenberg movie offa my list. 

5/50. A History of Violence (2005): (7/10)

Technically not a horror movie, but it was from Cronenberg and, of course, it had great blood and gore because of my kween herself. But yeah I liked this one! Definitely not a traditional Cronenberg film by any means but it had the freaky sex and emotional poignancy that he knows how to do well. God those Danes get me hot at the collar... good midway between crazy kickass action movie and bittersweet touching family film. I liked it a lot. 

6/50. Backtrack (2015): (4/10)

This movie was spooky, and I LOVE Adrien Brody, but like..I'm sorry this movie was ultimately stoopid. It was silly. Like... I'm sorry, it was just inane. That's all I can say. 

7/50. MaXXXine (2024): (9/10)

I have to be so real. I have NOT seen the first two of these. but I found this EXCELLENT!! I love 80s Satanic panic. I love cokecore. I love the theme of 2024 devil horror movies. i thought this movie was a lot of fun, amazing soundtrack, great portrait of 80s insanity starstruck Hollywood. I thought she was really lovable. and holy mother of GOD. (The British lady was extremely extremely sickeningly attractive). 

8/50. Longlegs (2024): (9/10)

SOMEBODY LOCK UP NICHOLAS CAGE! Find that faggoty little freak and put him behind bars this INSTANT. Seriously. What is wrong with him. I swear this is the first time I've ever seen a horror movie in theaters that actually scared me. like. Maybe I'm just scared of serial killers and the devil but this to me felt so believable. Like... cult killer scary tranny type shit. Nicholas cage with CRIMINAL pillow face. Absolutely terrifying. Amazing movie. Amazing attention to detail. I heart Neurodivergent Female Protagonists. 

9/50. Vampire's Kiss (1988): (8/10)

OMG! Wow Nicolas Cage you fucking freak. I really liked this movie. It was, like, errrrm a little realness I can't even lie. But like. He's kind of fucking terrible but god damn it he was so funny and like nonchalant and BALLS UP TITS OUT INSANE. I like it. I like to see it. 

10/50. Eyes Wide Shut (1999): (9/10)

Oh, Mr. Kubrick... WOW. I lowk loved this movie. Tom Cruise was an absolute treat. Nicole Kidman was... not so bad actually! They filmed the party scene at my school, which was a super weird mindfuck. But like. Wow. Another Evil Christmas Movie to watch alongside Less Than Zero. But yeah the soundtrack on this movie was great and Stanley Kubrick always cooks. Always.

11/50. A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge (1985): (6/10)

Hey hey hey I know slasher sequels are supposed to be utter garbage but this actually wasn't so bad! I liked it. I liked the premise. I had a good time. I liked it!

12/50. A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987): (4/10)

OMG! I love this franchise. So much fun. like it's so creative and body horror-y and camp, god strike me down for saying so. this movie not so great but a fun watch for sure. I loved the claymation.

13/50. The Phantom of the Opera (1989): (9/10)

O. M. F. G. Call me crazy. Call me UTTERLY INSANE. omfg i fw this movie bigtime. literally like. nailed all the parts of the novel and the musical that I love while having really really great practical effects while having Freaky Deaky Robert Englund LOML and like. omg!! it was modern (80s) but also gothic (1890s). Utterly fantastic. also like a horror movie which imo Phantom is always supposed to be. FANTASTIC!

14/50. Eastern Promises (2007): (9/10)

OMFG! MR CRONENBERG U ATE!!!!! Listen listen listen listen listen I tried to watch this movie like a clever smart lad but omfg. lock me up vincent cassel AND viggo mortenson. LOCK MY ASS UP HELP HELP HELP ME also like a good movie or whatever. 

15/50. Rabid (1977): (6/10)

The Cronenberg grind NEVER STOPS NEVER NEVER. I liked this movie. It was alright. I felt like it was a less good version of Shivers but whateber. 

16/50. A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master (1988): (9/10)

OKKKKKK. OKAY. YER GONNA CALL ME CRAZY. Yer gonna call me fuckin' crazy for this one. But I swear I loved this movie. It was INSANE. I loved like the little friend group and the horrific and creative ways in which they died etc etc. idk man I love Freddy Krueger I'm in my Freddy Krueger era. 

17/50. A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child (1989): (6/10)

Okay maybe I'm just a trnany who's unnervd by childbirth. but I did NOT like this movie. I liked ugly baby Freddy because he was scary and funny. But like. idk I do NOT care about Amanda. and overall the plot was kind of bum. and like. idk being a teen parent is my worst nightmare dawg this is NOT twilight. but do ur thang I guess. Great film review, I know!

18/50. A Nightmare on Elm Street 6: Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991): (8/10)

AGAIN. you are going to call me CRAZY!!! But I really liked this one as well. like fucking finally we got the freddy backstory we care about. like I'm sorry BFFR why did we get an entire movie about his CONCEPTION and still didn't know a single thing about his life before, ya know. The Burning. liike come ON. ok maybe it's just like my william afton proclivities acting up but yeah. idk this one was good. and I liked the characters!! I found them like actually likable. I liked this one. Very nice. probably the best sequel in my opinion. but like. I like the star wars sequel so go on STONE ME TO DEATH. FUCKIN SHIRLEY JACKSON MY ASS IDFC 

19/50. A Nightmare on Elm Street 7: Wes Craven's New Nightmare (1994): (4/10)

Listen. I will not be heard out here. I found this film to be unprecedented levels of mid. like. the premise was GOOD! I love fourth wall breaking plots. I like this sort of stuff a lot. but this was just MIIIID IT WAS MIDDY MID. I'm sorry. AGAIN. maybe I just don't like MOTHER MOMMY MOM PLOTS. but like I'm sorry I do not give a single poo poo about Heather Langenkamp's fictional son!! Womp womp!! and I really missed the practical FX. i'm sure it was some budget thing but come ON dawg the CGI was BUM BUM BUM! Bum all around. 

20/50. Excision (2012): (6/10)

Er... I don't really know. This movie made me kind of uncomfortable for a few reasons: 1) a little realistic. like it could totally happen. 2) SPOOKY PERFORMANCES ALL AROUND. 3) she reminded me of someone i know irl which is definitely!!! not GOOD AT ALL!!!! 4) idk what it is but like. the whole affair made me feel uncomfortable. like... idk why was she actin like that 5) BFFR DAWG IT IS NOT THE BPD. I AM SORRY. LIKE. ok if I had to say (and I don't know squat so please remember that.) I would say she had ASPD. as in like. being a psychopath. like dawg the average bpd woman does NOT act like that. NOT EVEN THE BEYOND AVERAGE BPD WOMAN!!! if they wanted to pick a cluster B disorder bpd was just not the one to go with. bpd makes you crazy n insane n emotional but definitely DEFINITELY not like apathetic and remorseless and like... a compulsive liar or prone to violence. like i'm sure it's comorbid with other stuff but I didn't like at all that like. that was HER OWN main reason for being wacko. and the only sorta diagnosis that was given??? HELLO all my bpd girlies are crying!! (they would be anyway but this is just another reason)

21/50. The House That Jack Built (2018): (8/10)

This movie made me feel a certain kind of way. I don't even know. I don't even know, man. 

22/50. Pearl (2022): (6/10)

omfg. I might be stupid. I watched this thinking it was the first one in the series, and chronologically it is, but I WAS CONFUSED. actually no I didn't consider it might not be the first one until like...well into the film and I was having a good time! okay i lied i was kind of bored but visually i liked it a lot. and omg she is soooo bpd. wtf. SHE IS SO BPD. 

23/50. Trap (2024): (8/10)

Omg people on IMDb are fucking SLAMMING this film. like YEs there's nepotism yaddah yaddah whatever. she's still a good singer and he's still a good director and like. this is one of the few recent horror films i've watched that actually knows how to work with our generation and like... the existence of phones. OK HES A GOOD DAD BUT A BAD PERSON AND HE HAS A COMPLICATED RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS MOMMY what else man. omg I'm sorry they knew he was a dilf in this movie. THEY KNEW. there was no need for him to be topless in that last scene. well except for me. they did it for me. thanks, guy! regardless. I liked this movie! one of the better horror films of 2024. 

24/50. No Country for Old Men (2007): (8/10)

LISTEN LISTEN. I'm a simple gal. I'm a simple gal and a nihilist and this was a good good movie. ALBEIT a little confusing. Well. Im' a little slow but whatever. enjoyable.

25/50. Cuckoo (2024): (7/10)

Legitimately my most anticipated horror flick of this YEAR. i have been wanting to see this for fucking MONTHS. aaannnddd... let me say I was NOT let down!! for me the best movies are 7/10s. THIS WAS SOOOOO FUCKING WEIRD. OMFG. i might have to watch that weird ass legion show. like the acting was so good and the concept??? *shudders* fucking bizarre. i heart lesbian horror. I ALSO HEART HUNTER SCHAFER wtf she's so fucking attractive. and like... call me crazy but it makes me happy when trans actors are just... actors. like jfc let trans people just be people without being trans about it. LOCK ME UP FOR SAYING SO!!! anyways. this one was weird and wild and chaotic and german. Good stuff.