Welcome to...

I AM SO MOTHERFUCKING BACK. 

That's right, you guys. I'm so back. I know that literally nobody knows who I am anymore, which is a little sad. But regardless. I love SpaceHey and I love having my own little SpaceHey summer antics and I love watching a lot of scary movies and slowly morphing into the best and strangest version of myself before I have to swallow it all back down and go back to private school. 

I am going to be the spookiest kid on the block this summer and no body no ghoul can stop me. Thank you and goodnight. 

Regardless.

I'm really no fun at all, so I've decided to give myself a goal, which I am calling...

That's right, I'm going to try to watch FIFTY FUCKING SCARY MOVIES this summer. I think I can do this. No I can't; I'm literally lying! But I'd like to try. I'd like to finish watching all of the David Cronenberg movies and a bunch more classic slasher films. Also a bunch of Hammer and Universal Horror films. That would be cool. 

So yeah, starting yesterday (5/31/2024, which I am considering the first day of summer), I am currently engaged in the highest-stakes, life-or-death-or-afterlife challenge there ever was: Freakilicious, Fear-Filled Fifty. 

As an individual who is, more often than not, extant in a form that is 1) Freakilicious 2) Fear-Filled, I think I am up to the task. Gonna make my ancestors proud. 

THE MOVIES...

?/50. Film Title (year): (?/10)

Review goes here...

1/50. In a Violent Nature (2024): (2/10)

This movie was not so good. It really went hard for the 1970s slasher thing, and it definitely worked in that regard...like I like the way it was filmed and the way it looked, but JESUS LORD was this thing boring. I was in there with a bottle of soju and a blue raspberry vape and you know I was curled up with my head on the movie seat armrest about to snooze like a babe. There was no music. There was no fun. Although the killing and the effects were really good, and the acting too, I guess. The dialogue was a little stupid. Definitely a good summer movie, and if you like nice, cute, cozy movies to put you to sleep...this one is it. What a delicious vintage fuzz filter.

2/50. The Strangers: Chapter 1 (2024): (6/10)

Okay this is gonna be so embarrassing but I had literally no idea that this was a remake of a different film. Awko! Anyways, this was actually a pretty good movie. Like the suspense was really well done. I was having a jolly good time, was definitely feeling afraid! Which is always fun. They literally Brakebaited me because I SAW Richard Brake in the background in the diner and he didn't even show up later. :( 

3/50. The Watchers (2024): (10/10)

HOOOOOLY MAMA. This was one hell of a FUCKING movie. Directed by Ishana Night Shyamalan, and can I just say she is a lot better than her dad. Wow. This was such a good movie....like it had: body horror, genderfucking, conceptual exploration of what it means to be human, celtic and scandinavian folklore, hand/finger horror, hot people, mad science, twins, gingers, sadism, meta themes, actual horror, suspense, beautiful landscape, beautiful soundtrack, actually well written dialogue and characters overall, feminism, really great aesthetic/artistic sensibility... I know I'm being superlative but I am not an easy customer and this really blew my fucking socks off. Like I know she's a nepo baby but idc she fucking cooked with this one. This was a good, proper 2024 horror movie. Like it also didn't have weird ass like trying to be modern stuff in it. No it was really fucking good. Like conceptually interesting and also very well executed. I am in shock. Go see this film IMMEDIATELY. Like yes women of color yes yes whatever but it's just a really fucking good movie. Holy shit. Wow. idk if this or late night was better but wow. Top movies of 2024. 

4/50. Spider (2002): (7/10)

I...liked this movie! He was a cutie but he was a little crazy. idk it felt like a pretty good examination of trauma and like childhood stuff. A little Freudian if you squint. The acting was really good. Good to cross another Cronenberg movie offa my list. 

5/50. A History of Violence (2005): (7/10)

Technically not a horror movie, but it was from Cronenberg and, of course, it had great blood and gore because of my kween herself. But yeah I liked this one! Definitely not a traditional Cronenberg film by any means but it had the freaky sex and emotional poignancy that he knows how to do well. God those Danes get me hot at the collar... good midway between crazy kickass action movie and bittersweet touching family film. I liked it a lot. 

6/50. Backtrack (2015): (4/10)

This movie was spooky, and I LOVE Adrien Brody, but like..I'm sorry this movie was ultimately stoopid. It was silly. Like... I'm sorry, it was just inane. That's all I can say.