Heartbreak Poem #1

It’s unfair.
How I can’t seem to
be able to write anymore.
Not about life
or experiences
or friends.
It’s just you.
You, you, you.

In every damn poem
behind every line
every simile or
word-painted picture
the on hiding is you

Your eyes
when you used to look
at me — almost dreamily so
while I was talking.
Your shy smile
followe by a quiet greeting
on our first meetings.
Your arms around me when you held me.

I don’t know.
It partially feels
early
to say that, soon.
But for me
your entire existence
spells out love
and you’re sunshine in human form
it has me wondering
“Πώς στο διάολο την πάτησα έτσι;”

And I still wonder.

Because now
now we pretend like nothing
ever happened
we never saw each other romantically
never shared our fist kiss on the table
of that crowded cafeteria
we never
cuddled on the bench
of the empty square
arm loosely wrapped around you
your head on my shoulder and
you
ever so quietly
softly
singing to me.

We were scared
I remember
of waking up.
Waking up and finding
out that everything was
but a lie.

It wasn’t.

I kind of wish it was, sometimes.
Wishing we had never done
these things,
never spent our nights talking.
Wishing I hadn’t fallen in love with you.
Kind of.

Do I regret it?
I don’t know.
But sometimes I wish reality
was a dream I’ll wake up from
and it won’t hurt anymore.
It will be peaceful
and I won’t spend my days
wishing
desperately to kiss you again
hold you and let nothing hurt you
ever again.

But it’s not a dream.
The harsh, cold reality
morphed to a moving hurricane
moving objects around
destroying eevrything in its wake.

And I
amidst it all
am one of the fallen.

Filled with cuts and bruises
hands and legs
the blood mixing
with the rain on me.

I scream at the sky.
“Will it ever get better?”
Really.
Do you ever recover from
the aftermath
of your first love?