Sometimes I really hate being autistic

I've been saying it a lot lately and I'll say it again, it's just really hard sometimes. Some days are better than others, so sometimes I can talk to people and generally function, sometimes I can't. On the harder days it's like I have to do everything manually. It takes so much effort to figure out what to say and how to say it and how to move my body so I do it right and I still mess up. I hate how autism makes me feel alienated from people around me even though I'm trying to be a part of the group. Sometimes I feel like a different animal than everyone else.