Finished my first year of college

Guess who finished their first year of college!!

It's pretty crazy. I feel like everything's going a little too fast (I do not mind it, it's about time I move on from misery and loneliness). I'm planning to work immediately after college and then that'll be it: work for the rest of my life. Not that I had an amazing childhood or teen-years to reminisce on, but I'll still miss some aspects of it. Despite all the shitty things, I'll still look back on it and I hope I grow to be a way better person and laugh about who I used to be.

My only goal now is to graduate and be free and to be my own individual. I want to be able to make my own decisions, I want to be my own person, I want to be responsible and I want to set my own rules. A lot of these things feel far away, I've always been very limited by my family.

I learned a lot this year. I learned to use public transport without having a breakdown, I learned to navigate a big city, I learned how to calm down and not panic when things would go wrong. After dating for the first time I learned what /not/ to do and that setting your own boundaries as soon as possible is incredibly important, that communication is key. And academically I learned even more. 2023-2024 brought so many lessons in adulthood and I feel it's only the beginning and there is much more to come..!

Was it a succesful year? I'd say so. Thanks to all that I've learned. Besides that, I have never felt this lonely in my life. It's a common experience for college kids.. (⌣_⌣”)

I wouldn't hear or see my friends from HS.
It's not like I belonged anywhere so I knew it would happen, but being seperated from everyone and actually realizing no one really cares- it hit like a truck (;° ロ°) I felt a bit miserable, specially on my birthday. I turned 20 and I played mario kart, then did my homework for the rest of the evening. I had 0 notifications per day on average haha, but I did meet someone really cool from my class which compensates for these things :P

All in all, I'm looking forward to growing even more. I'm sort of done with being social recluse because I realized I'm not getting anywhere like this. I want to change and it starts with changing the mindset I've always had. I want to fix my confidence, I want to be able to talk to people without holding back my voice!!

Until the next blog then~